MY STORY

Hi! I'm Austin! I don't know how to begin a story like this. You're probably wondering who I am. WELL I CAN PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEE IM WONDERING A WHOLE LOT MORE WHO YOU ARE! I know who I am. I'm Austin! I'm me! I really like peanut butter and jelly. I really like string cheese. I really like Sandy. Sandy and me are going out to play today. We're going to get popsicle sticks. I'm going to bring a leash so Sandy comes forward and doesn't run away from me. When we run and play we run really fast because we're crossing our fingers and popsicle sticks because we really hope someday we can meet a man with chopsticks. Daddy says if we dig a hole to China we'll meet Curious George. I don't know why George is so curious. If he ever tries to take Sandy I'm going to bop him on the head with a popsicle stick. I like playing Little Indians. Grandpa has a funny joke about how many Indians are buried on a hill. He says all of them. I hope you won't think I'm schizophrenic. I'm just kind of nervous. When Mommy brought me the popsicle sticks she also said that once you have all of them finished you can make an art project. I don't know what I'm supposed to make. I was thinking of making the Tower of Babel but Rabbi Bender said we can't translate that into any language, I know a little bit of French. Voulez-vouz une petit chat? I think that means would you like a little cat. I would definitely like a little cat. I think Sandy is starting to get jealous. She doesn't want a petite chat. She wants a big chat. I can't believe it Sandy pooped her pants! I like petite chats. I told my Uncle Jeff that I made three petite chats and the funny thing is he didn't even look at me twice because he was from France! I don't think he really prefers one way or the other dogs or cats but I know he likes Artemis. Artemis is his Big Dog. Artemis is a husky. He's white like the snow. In Christmas I'm going to see my cousins in Kentucky. It'll be so fun I wonder what he'll be! My cousin nell and her husband Marcus just had a brand new baby!!! I can't wait to see what he's like when he grows up. I can't wait to see if he talks to Scout. Scout's my baby next door. For some reason I keep wanting him to call him Jeremy. I think it's because I always thought Jeb was pronounced Jeb like "zheb" like how you would say it in French or maybe Spanish because I have a pretty big family. I don't have Bucky the Cat but that's OK because he' s just in a comic strip. My memory's kind of fuzzy but I think if I go back all the way to the beginning I can tell you about my family. My family is made up of my Mommy and Daddy. My Mommy is the best. She cooks bacon and eggs. I'm not really a fan of sausages. When I wake up and have breakfast in the morning I have Cap'n Crunch cereal and she makes scrambled eggs and sometimes she eats Oatmeal Crisp and sometimes she eats Oats & Honey Special K and sometimes we sneak up into the bedroom and she says "Don't wake Daddy" and then he LEAPS out of the bed and says everything's OK! GOOD MORNING! I don't need to sleep today! I want to play with Doodleman! It's time to play! And so we play. We play all morning. We play all afternoon. We play all day. We play on his shoulders. I scramble on his shoulders and we play helicopter, flying around the room. I go zoom! Zoom! It's funny to say Zoom Zoom because it reminds me of Zoom Zoom. We just went last spring to Vietnam where we had an awesome tour guide during our bike ride and I saw a couple who looks like they were absolutely made in Paradise. I hope it's OK I'm putting them here. We have lots and lots of pictures. My Dad carried the baskets. They were actually watering pails. Me and Mom were giggling so hard. We took lots and lots of pictures. His friend helped him set them down. He reminded me of Ishmael. The way she smiled and looked at me with her big blue eyes, she made me think of Isabelle. Isabelle. She is probably the most beautiful person in the world. It feels weird to say that. I think I just means she' s the prettiest. I still have the magnolia flower I got her. I mean I think the one she got me. She showed me so many things. She showed me what it meant to be impossible. Most importantly, I think she showed me me. I used to be tired. I used to be scared. I used to be afraid that anywhere I went, I would tumble down a hole. It was a pretty big rabbit hole. I have a drawing, if you really want to see it. I am pretty sure I am going to be the first person to save the world. Yup. I know. I know it sounds impossible, but I think that's because no one else has tried it. I'm dedicating my life to this opportunity. I know I'll eventually find it. I know I'll find Paradise, because we have such a big, beautiful world. There's leaves and flowers and trees. There's rocks and streams. There's birds in the sky. There's impossible things. Won't you please join me on this opportunity? I know I probably don't show a lot of promise. I know I don't have very many credits, actually any credits, since I've pretty much been hiding. I work at Pier 1. I'm the store right next to BookStar. I can go in every day and drop off my papers unaware. No one may see me. Actually it's pretty likely they'll see me, and when they ask me, I can tell them about this incredible opportunity they have to save the world. They'll probably laugh. They'll say why should we take up our shelf space? I'll say because you believe in me. They'll say that's not enough. You have to show us what we're missing. 

That's why I'm writing to you. I know there's only so many things you can do. But I think I function best when I have a mentor, someone I can go to—and commiserate with, and share my stories with. I know you'll probably recommend writing groups. I'm part of a writing group. But I've been writing for four-and-a-half years. I know that's not such a long time. But the thing is it's been way longer than four-and-a-half years. I've been writing pretty much my whole life.   

My story begins when I was just a kid. I always dreamed of doing something amazing. I dreamed of being someone amazing. But I didn't know what I could do. I didn't know what I could be. I had a pretty awesome house. I had a pretty awesome life. I had a pretty awesome family. 

Chapter 1

Hi! I'm Austin! I don't know how to begin a story like this. You're probably wondering who I am. Well I can pretty much guarantee I'm wondering a bunch more who you are! I know who I am! I'm Austin! I'm me! I really like peanut butter and jelly. I really like ice cream. I saw a cotton candy cloud and I tried biting it but it hurt my teeth. I think Mommy was hiding a piece of celery or maybe it was just a carrot. I think the next time I get a carrot I'm going to feed it Sandy. I think Sandy is my favorite friend in the whole entire world unless you count Lucky. I don't know if you know this but Lucky is a sheep. I never knew that sheeps could wear clothes but I guess he's just Lucky. If the emperor's got clothes I don't know why can't Lucky! I don't know if she's a he or she. When I hug her very close I tend to fall asleep. She's just so furry. I dreamed I was running and it was so beautiful and sunny. The grass was spreading in all directions. It was just so beautiful!    

pooped my pants

really like Sandy. If I had to choose my favorite stuffed animal in the whole entire world I think I'd choose Lucky.  My favorite dog is probably Lucky. I actually don't know if she's a dog. I think she's probably a sheep. When I cuddle up Lucky I feel very Lucky. My parents got him for me. I don't know if he's a she or a he. When I hug her very close I tend to fall asleep. She's just so furry. I have the most incredible dreams. I dreamed that I was flying. I dreamed that my Mommy was holding me under my pits and I was screaming and I was yelling because I was so afraid she was going to let go of me and she dropped me in a bathtub and went MUA HA HA she started combing my hair and asked me if I'd made my dreams.   

Hi! I'm Austin! I don't know how to begin a story like this. Well actually I do. For a long time I didn't. I didn't know whether to begin it in January or June. I didn't know what to tell you. I was a very nervous person. I don't mean I was schizophrenic, I was just always afraid that if I started talking to you you would turn the other cheek and walk away, or you'd slam the door in my face. I had a big hope and I always dreamed someday  

My own story begins when I was a very little boy. I always dreamed of doing something amazing. I dreamed of being someone amazing. But I didn't know what I could do. I didn't know who I could be. It's a little funny talking about dreaming, since you really have no idea what you dreamt of as a baby. 

I was born to the best mother and father in the world. We lived in a house atop a hill. I remember it being very green, which is funny, once again, I don't know why, but I'm giggling, maybe it has to do with tickling.

I was raised on Disney movies. I was raised by Mom reading me stories. I was raised by Dad playing the piano upstairs, by the sound of music, by everything. The house was alive with laughter, and joy, and meaning.

And so I went to school. My Dad wasn't too keen on me going at first, since he had always pictured me being home-schooled, but deep in his heart, I think he knew I had to go. To make new friends, to go on awesome adventures, to discover myself — to the places, in other words, where every other little boy and girl goes.

TO BE CONTINUED

While I was at school I made lots of friends. One of the first friends I met was LL. He moved in shortly after the start of the year, just below me on my hill. He looked up, and I looked down. Then I looked up and he looked down. We laughed together and played together. We played basketball and chased butterflies and went searching for rocks and ants and molehills in sunny and even stormy weather.

One day I heard that LL wasn't going to be going to school. Mona picked me up in her yellow convertible and told me that LL wasn't feeling too well. They were going to go to Lake Havasu. He had been feeling bullied. She said some kids were calling him stupid — even Mr. Erstad. I knew just what to do. 

I would help him. Me and my friends gathered rocks. We crept over to Mr. E's house. It was on the edge of a swamp. We saw the rocks would hit too hard, so we just used the polliwogs. We saw him moving behind the window. We pelted Mr. E's house. 

The next day we heard a bell ring. We heard our names called over the loudspeaker. "Mr. Austin." "Miss Jena Marone." "Mr. Frederick." We went into the principal's office. He said our names. He said we were only to blame.

"Do you see this photo?" he said. He showed us the front of the newspaper. In big big print: MR. ERSTAD'S HOUSE VANDALIZED. It showed a firefighter and a watering hose running through the front door. It showed Mr. Erstad walking through the house, wiping the tears off his face in front of some little kids.

"Whose kids are those?" I asked.

"His kids."

"Where is he now?"

"He's all alone."

I went to go and find him.

"Why did you call my friend stupid?"

"It just slipped."

"It was a pretty mean thing to say."

"It was."

"I made a big mistake too. And you know what they say, Mr. Todd," I smiled, there's only one way to fix a mistake.

TO BE CONTINUED

That was my big mistake. I don't expect to make any more mistakes. Me and Mr. Erstad painted the house white again. The year ended and JJ went away and made new friends with Mr. Erstad, the good thing is only down our hill. I had second grade. The good part is you learn a lot. The bad part is you probably learn too much. I learned all about babies. I always thought they came from storks but it turns out they come from flour sacks! Mrs .Zedler says we'll learn to appreciate our babies but I'm not so sure about that!

I'm all paired up with Taylor. We both agree girls are gross. I don't know about you, but I've never talked to girls. I've barely even looked at them before. Except Danielle. Danielle is my best friend. I'm pretty sure we said we were going to get married but we didn't set a wedding day. It's funny how you can be best friends I never knew there would be so much responsibility.

Mom says I have to take care of my flour patch baby. I was hoping for a boy but it turns out her name is Chloe. I have to wash her, and feed her, and "swaddle" her, just like a real baby. I don't even know what swaddling is! I tried wrapping her in my bedclothes but she's too small, I never even knew how big I was before! I think I'm getting too big. I'm going to start hitting my head on the table if I get too big and even like Jack the Quick i'll jump over the candlestick and get outta here because I think it's plain to see that in the whole wide world I never want this baby!

TO BE CONTINUED

My Mom says we're going to Hawaii. I'm going to get my cool snorkel gear 8-)  

In 4th grade I had my first crush. You know that amazing butterfly feeling? That first time you finally meet her. I looked across the desk and I saw her, and she saw me, and she blinked at me and—she smiled! She smiled! I don't know why. Why do I have this weird, incredible feeling?

In 5th grade I went on a field trip. I met Marty Nislick. Mr. Freund was awesome. 

In 6th grade we had our class field trip to Williamsburg, Virginia. It was so amazing and so absolutely awesome. Then this weird thing called "9/11" happened and we had to go home early.

In 7th grade I went to a new school. Some of my friends, but not many, were going there too. I was pretty nervous. I remember my first Orientation, when we threw our hats up into the air like Harry Potter. No, that was graduation. 

"Yo. Sup. Sup dude?"

That was me and Patrick. Patrick and me became kinda good friends. But there was also MICHAEL. We would form the KLD and be super cool and go to all sorts of parties. That was where I met ALLY.

Ally was the love of my life. We danced together under the golden lights and the room was full of gold and time slowed and got milky "Some people wait a lifetime for moments like this Some people wait a lifetime for that ONE special kiss oh, I can't believe it's happening to me. Some people wait a lifetime for moments like this.

This was my letter - I should say this was my diary entry.

That was the best moment of my life.

I couldn't fall asleep.

Well, the next day I went to school. I looked for Ally. We walked together and talked together and I saw her looking at me her eyes sparkling and she was smiling. I felt so good I felt like laughing Ms. Stockton had us read Romeo & Juliet in English class. I could hardly believe she was talking to me. But yes, it's true, she really did like me. I heard in French class Maryflynn say so I heard you and Ally are going out"? I couldn't believe it. She said, "I think you are going to make a great couple." I knew for Ally I would need to be cool. I made sure my hair was real nice. I looked forward to going to school. 

"You gotta impress her," the Don. 

"I'm going to ask her," I told Olly. He was one of my friends. Iasked if she was doing track Mmmm I don't know I"m thinking about it you should do it! I said. And she actually did it!

She kept looking at me but I kept on getting nervous. Maybe I should ask her out or maybe I shouldn't. I was also nervous about my Bar Mitzvah. It's this thing that happens when you turn 13. 

I think I'm becoming a man. (Whatever that means!!) It's pretty silly if you think about it I have to wear a yarmulke and recite all these passages from the Bible Moses 13

I think my Torah Portion prove you should never lose faith in something you believe in

I plucked out my eyebrows. But that's OK. I'm back and better than ever. Yo what up! KLD! KLD 4 LyFE! =PPPP I know I'm just being silly. I'm the best there ever was. I'm like Helga Pataki! Over the summer I met Mimiru. She really taught me how to be chill be cool and relax and believe in myself and BE myself. It's a whole different world on Dragid. I don't know what to tell you but yeah it's pretty freaking awesome. 

I wrote Ally a song. "He's just a skater boy she said see ya later boy he's not good enough for her" now I'm a superstar I'm strumming on my guitar a boy she used to kno-wwww

So I'm playing those guitar licks and remembering mys tory. I'm sorry if it's kinda hard and stressful and kinda boring. It's OK if it's stressful because i know I'll have the opportunity to keep searching, to find my meaning, my true meaning of life. I'm about to leave junior high and we're going to have a school play. I think it's actually a musical. Mom says I should try out. I'm not sure. Actually I think I'm sure. But I'm not sure I know why I want to try out.

Maybe it's because I want to feel accepted. I just don't know. We sing songs. Mr. Porter says to look inside and close our eyes and feel the golden ball deep inside of us and feel so warm. We open our eyes and we see the big lights. And I feel warm. And also nervous. I thought I was over Ally. But when I look over to my right I see her and my left in Fork Knife Spoon is wrong from the right I can't tell my left from my right. This is the Dear Edwina show. Dear Edwina, I want a popsicle. 

Please help my brother Aristotle he's really very picky the clothes he likes the food he wants it's very icky oh dear Edwina dear Edwina won't you help me if you're able!

Your dear friend, Aphrodite Cornelius Swanson

10-4

Cordell?

Yup, it's me, Myron!

Wanna head over to pizza hut?

I'm actually craving pineapples.

Oop! Someone's coming to the stage! We better listen 

Dear Edwina,

I'm feeling very lonely. I'm all sad inside. I'm moving to a new place. What if they don't speak my language?

EDWINA: Don't be nervous! Do I have a song for you!

Lola comes up to the center stage. She gulps. The cast starts singing:

Lola Lopez lived in Lima, lovely Lima in Peru

Lola had a cousin Harry way out west in Honolulu

one day Lola got a letter from her cousin way out West

if you come to my birthday party Lola that would be the best

 so on an airplane flew all the way to Honolulu

far across the ocean blue flew Lola from Lima to Honolulu

and Harry's family said

Hola Lola Lola hello Hola Lola hello

and at that moment Ir ealized I never would be the cool kid. I would just be an ordinary person, and I was Ok with that. It was a feeling of utmost redemption. After the play we ran into the music room. All the parents had brought us flowers. Joey's Mom brought us cake. And we ran out and played. We ran through the sprinklers. We ran all the way across the field ands prayed us, and it dazzled us, and we felt so amazingly pretty. We felt so fresh, so new, like the world was ours. And this feeling didn't just last for a day. It lasted through Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and all the subsequent Saturdays that are parents got together, and we played. And it was moving into the summer, and it was moving into the new year. 

And I had my last track race. People may say that I'm not doing this right, tha I should have said that I raced track before but at this point I really don't care it's true I raced track before, and it was in the spring and Ms. Stockton came up, and said "Mr. Pflieger" wants to see you. I can't remember what as the race. I just remember finally rolling down the green green grassy hill with Erich Fehmenl and Katia and laughing, Iw as attaching them laugh. Ms. Stockotn said "Pflieger's going to watch your last race."

And I ran hard, harder than I have ever in my life. But ti was fun. I was shocked when shse said "Mr. Pfeliger" wants to see you and he told me after the race, "Diamond, won't you run for me."

God (Bar Mitzvah) I don't know where I'm going. This seems like so much fun. There's all sorts of kids. Wer'e having our first race. It's not a "bloody Sunday." We're going to our first meet at Woodley. It's a place that's so green, very green, and we're running around the field. Pfeliger says "come on! run with me!" we're racing os fast we're running I can barely keep my breath in fact I CANT keep my breath I'm pitching over and heaving in fact I nearly think I'm going to throw up I'm not sure if this is what I though tit would be

High school is pretty cool. I really like my teachers Ms. Dennigan and Dr. Lavoie. Dr. Lavoie wrote his own history book. His OWN book. How awesome is that. I never knew History could be eso exciting. He's talking about the Romans and Greeks, about Achilles and I'm running I'm running and I think I nearly sprained my ankle. Pfleiger says I'm faking it. I say no I'm not. Maybe you're not but you THINK you are. Special. It's true. My Mommy and Daddy are protecting me and I have to say I'm very lucky. =P

Do your homework! 

No!

Do your homework!

No!

Do I have to?

I remember learning in World Cultures about all the other families. The boy in Kenya, the girl in an Igloo, the girl searching for butterflies in Mexico, or pulling a camel. The girl with peach breasts.

When I think about it, I AM pretty lucky. Ally and me are still going to school together. I can't decide or not if I still like her. Me and lindsay are probably the new thing. Brittany and us come over for a barbecue and boy that was YUMMY! that night was so amazing. Just sitting around the campfire, roasting s'mores, the BBQ, talking together. Lindsay asked me "So do you go to their school?" and I said yes and I asksd "what school do you go to?" and she said Marlboro(?) and we went to her house and went inside the pool and she got out and boy was I dripping. We ran into her room and closed it shut me and Evan practically giggling we pulled it shut and jumped on their bed and wall of us were giggling and Lindsay said "Stop! Oh my God, you guys!" At least shut the door!

And Dallas said, "Whoa!" Look at that!" 

"Holy shit!" Evan said.

They were talking about my rock-hard abs, which are so beautiful. I smiled and patted them. I didn't even know I had them! :) I guess running IS pretty great after all! I had a race today and I came in 2nd in the race. Me and Jon were running together and he beat me at the end. The way cross-country works is a 5-point system where each of your top 5 runners is assigned a point depending on where you place so for example if you place 1-5-7 you will get 14 | but if the other high school gets the point system lower than you will lose just like we did yesterday you would think that the higher number of points will mak eyou win! but thats not how it works!

Mr. Pflieger says we've got to prepare for league finals. I am actually kind of nervous. We've had a great year but Niko, I don't know about him. It's his last race. What if he doesn't do well. What if I don't do well. 

But still. I think I can beat him. 

Mom and Dad say they believe in me.

We're going out to the race. In the school bus. I love riding in buses. We start running and it's me and Tommy and Jon and Kris the Fearsome Four and we start running and Niko starts running and I can still see him. He jumps out ahead. We start running again (because it's really like you start all over after you get down the hill!) and my leg starts to cramp and I look over to the side but I hear everybody all the girls cheering me!! and I think about Carla's brownies! (FOR CARLA'S BROWNIES!!!!!) I think. Theyr'e absolutely orgasmic. Me and Jon have been kidding around a lot! Wea bsolutley love them. I went over to Carla's house the other day and I saw all her pictures on thew all I liked seeing them. She's like a big sister to me but I kind of like her. 

She comforts me. She reminds me of my Mommy. She says what I'm going to be. You're going to do awesome, she says. I'm a little disappointed that I didn't win the race but Theo had a MONSTER kick at the end since he's a senior I guess, he really surprised me.

But I was glad that he as able to finish the season on a high note. We have one more race (well, actually not this year—we hope to next year!) I'm very hopeful we have winter break

and then it's spring.

now it's spring.

everything is so beautiful.  

"What happens when people open their hearts? They get better." Haruki Murakami

We have a new track season started. I'm not sure what it'll be like. In 7th and 8th grade it was pretty casual. I mean we actually wore t-shirts under our jerseys! We've all been called into the weight room by Mrs. Jackson. She seems pretty stern. There's Pflieger! :) 

Hi, Pflieger!

Hey, Knucklehead!

Jon Sohn! Homestar runner (thinking of you Chander =P) hey, buddy! it's tommy! Kris too! looks like we're all going to be one big track family!

There's sprinters too. And shot-putters and shot-makers and shot-throwers. Maybe even Jrue Holiday. 0_0 We're gonna get that banner. We're going to work really hard. We're running up and down the stairs everyday. "Frenchie" calls me Piano Man. I can't wait to have a practice on a Sunday. :)

We're going to Grant High School. I think this is going to be my new home for awhile. It's just a dirt track which is too bad but at least we have a track. Some kids don't have a track at all (I guess.) There's lot so Ccheetos on the ground and chips. I REALLY wish we had a better track.

Ms. Jackson sends us on laps. It's not Hey Arnold but it's kinda like a rainbow. There's inside lanes and outside. We run on the edge of the lane. The eye is in the center. it's kind of like a hurricane!!!

This ONE time we were doing a really great workout and it got all deep and stormy out. Tommy was in the center and I was on the center lane and Tommy was on the outside and we were running neck and neck together and all of a sudden we finished and Tommy walked over to the post to get some water (it started to rain) and he actually got shocked!

SHOCKED!

I mean actually real-live-true-to-life electrocuted! It was pretty freaky. It wasn't like his hair got burnt or he got send to the ground but he kind f just went, "Whoa!" I don't know if he was in any pain but even if he was in pain I think that would be kind of excited to get a little bit electrocuted! Tyrie makes me feel really special. She rode with me on the bus today. 

She stuck up for me when Pfeliger was being mean. It wa stat one day when we were doing a hard workout and he was yelling a tme and Tyrie said stop picking on him and she kind of said take me under you rhsoudler and we were riding in the bus and she stroked my nose today 8-)

I'm with the "cool kids" now. The upperclassmen. All the juniors and seniors sit in the back of the bus (unless your'e Frenchie, he's cool) he gets to sit in the back of the bus too, I'm talking about Alex Ertaud and Jonathon Fraser and Jonathon Culmer and Elliott Battle, and even Ryan Hastings and Ingrid and Tyrie oh my god Tyrie I'm going to ask Claire what she thinks

Claire my main squeeze. You remember her? Lil' Spandex Warrior? :) I talked to her after the bus today and asked if I should like her. I didn't know if it would be kind of weird, since she's a a senior and all. She said you should do what your heart leads! I'm not sure what I should think at all.

"If I was a rich girl" for some reason I just imagine her twirling her purse walign down the gold-lined hill pas the stairs to the lower quads with everyone gawking at her she's stroking my nose RIGHT Now

oh my god! i hope she doesn't see this!

fjwaofjadifjisfj

i think i just splooged!

just kidding :) I don't know if I know what that means yet

but actually I do ;)

I just spooled! I just jazzed! This is awesome. I can't wait for more of this! :)

TRACK FINALS

we rode together back on the back of the bus. we played cool songs. it wa one of the best nights of my life. i thought the season would be over but Pflieger says don't forget about this summer

we have lots of summer reading to do. poems. But especially GREAT EXPECTATIONS. It's this story by Charles Dickens. It's really a Pip. Just kidding (that's really his name!) It's about a little boy or girl an ordinary kid doing all sorts of amazing things, going on awesome adventures. He has to remember his father because Joe has cared for him and so has his mother (although eh never really knew his mother?) just kidding he really did. He didn't really know his father until the end of the story when it was too late. I'm really excited for this track season. We are going to do all sorts of things and get the banner this year. I am going to get the best nutrition. I went to the store today with Mom to the store and we looked at MultiGrain Cheerios. They look like they're super good for you. They have 100% across the board in Iron, Thiamin and B12. Folate, 25% Zinc (whatever that is!) I also think bananas will be good for me. We're starting out the year. I think I'm a lot more confident in myself. I just got braces, but it's OK. Just kidding. I didn't get them yet. This season' sowing to be so freaking epic.

We have our first race. I'm doing better and better. Kris and me set new Campbell Hall records at Bell-Jeff! We have our first meet at Woodley. It's our "proving ground" and me and Jon are racing today! And I actually BEAT him. That's right I beat jon! I couldn't believe it. I always kind of prayed for it toy appen but I'ms tip actually kind of shocked. I wasn't even felling that good today. Mom and Dad asked where I want to eat. I think it might be fun to go to Ben & Jerry's. Before that I'm going to go to Jerry's. And get the fruit salad. And THEN go to Ben and Jerry's. I go tmy absolutely favorite! Minti ice cream! :) Oh man it's so freaking good. Yummy in my tummy. I'm feeling REALLY good today. 

So that's a pretty good summary of my sophomore cross country season. I set all sorts of school records and my friends were cheering me on. We got to Mt. SAC and I had a heck of a race. I became the SACmaster!!!! Me and Jon e-mailed Niko and Pfleiger was laughing and it's time to get ready for the spring. I can't wait for track season. I'm going to train through the winter. 

I never knew how awesome it felt to train through the winter, all by yourself, with a specific goal in mind. I know this spring is going to be pretty awesome. I'm improving my times and I'm getting my thoughts in line and meeting all sorts of people. This one time I went to North Hollywood Park. There was this guy running and I tried to catch him running =P and then eventually we were running with each other. I said "Hi! What's your name?" He said "Hi! Doing pretty well!" And we practically aced each other =P, on and on through the park. I guess that's why I'm probably talking like this. =P Another time I met Kate. I felt so good. I was starting on one of my grassy laps at Woodley and she said "Watch out for my dog!" Not because eI was doing wrong (not because I though tit at first) but because her dog started causing me! I had just started running along the grass forward and he started running with me! :)

At first I was scared. But then I slowed down. I started jogging and even came to a stop. I am so happy that I am proud and so friendly. I am happy she is so friendly too. I think we are going to start a great relationship. It's like at school where I have such a great circle of friends we're all such a good family and I'm going to Dallas's house. She has a great house by th beach in Santa Monica. I'm pretty sure a hobo took my jacket!! =P I still have English Honors with Ally. I really think she might be looking at me. =P

SPRING

Whew! That was a long wait! I'm so excited. Time for another great track season! It was worth the wait! I'm hitting all my times. I'm actually getting better grades! I can't wait for my race on Sunday and it's going to be so awesome! This is joing to be the best day of my life! I hit a new PR today! I know I have to train really hard if I want to get where I want to be and what I want accomplish nd what I want to do and I know it's not going to come easy. I just ran 4:58! I had a donut so I wasn't expecting to have a good race. I actually felt really terrible. But today I didn't I ran 4:55!!!!!!! I actually broke 5! I just got a new Campbell Hall SCHOOL RECORD!!!! I'm going to CIF for the 2-mile! I could be the best that ever was, to catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause!! I think I'm going to go SUEPR SAIYAN. I'm about to have my last race

we're training for CIF. IT's just me and Tommy. 4x400 no 8x400 no 12x400!!! On LetsrUn they say that's a good idea. I have braces I got them off :) I can't wait I'm racing ARIC VAN HALEN the ABSOLUTE BEST Adam Cunningham was also in my race Terri's friend. Now we're racing. CIF practice. 200s. 400s. 800s. Pfeliger says I hv e to go get it. Coach Ron says I'm going to do really well today, he sense it. I'm starting my race and watching before my race CHAD HALL lapped the field including ARIC VAN HALEN!!

My turn.

Hands down. Ron says I should drop my hands when I"m racing. I'm racing and I hear him say "Drop your hands!" I would never eat a tri-tip sandwich before my race but it feels so good and Im racing and I ran my race and I got a new PB (personal best) 10:39.

So now I know I have to train harder. I know that if I ever want to be who i hope to be it own't come easy. I'm running 40, 50, 60 miles every day. Well, not per day. Per week. =P This is getting really exciting. I think I really want ice cream.

Just kidding I'm not going to have ice cream.

We have to make some sacrifices for our body. Eating ice cream all the time isn't healthy. In fact I'm not even sure it's healthy at all. Mrs. T says ice cream is full of complex nutrients and carhobydrates and diary. I'm not so sure if I should have diary. I'm not so sure if I should hav ea diary. I can hardly even complete

I had such a good run today. I had such a good race today. I finished first in my "heat." It was actually just very hot today so I was going to have fresh frozen lemonade but instead I just had water, and then, instead of having water, I decided just not to have any drink at a ll. I can prove that it's the best because I got first in my race. Everyone else was weighed down. I was free. You wouldn't believe how easy everything is when you don't have ice cream. I'm starting to hear about the SAT

But the thing is, I'm not even worried. My grades are getting even better than before. Now I can finally concentrate, now that I'm not thinking about what to eat, or how I'm going to eat, or when I'm going to eat, I just know I'm not going to eat. At least not very much. I mean I know that eating is necessary to survive and I'm hitting the absolute best times - 17:30 17:20 17:10! - I know it's not the best of all except to lose weight 131 130 129 128 I love losing weigh tI look at the scale every day and I think I've never been so happy in my life :)

Dallas invited me to a party today. I decided not to come. I'd rather stay home so I can just drink my water and cum. Actually I'm not cumming very much anymore. It's not like I can't, at least I don't think so, it's just that I've kind of lost interest. I would rather just stay at home, and do nothing. Maybe read. Reading is easy. I don't know, for some reason I don't feel like I have very much energy. I think I might have an iron deficiency. That's not true I have plenty of iron. I'me aging my MultiGrain Cheerios and reading 20% iron oh shoot I'm not eating enough iron 

but then what am I supposed to do?? I can't exactly have 5 helpings. I'm not sure if that's even useful! What would iron have you do? They say it's an "essential nutrient" but I still have a paint bucket of hemoglobin. My red paint can't go away it's here in me in gobs and gobs and what the heck is happening? Why are my parents dragging me to the hospital on a Sunday? They say it's not a hospital. I'm watching Pocahontas on a tiny TV in the lobby. "Can you paint with all the colors of the wind" and they're taking me into the hospital. They're telling me "just drink one bottle of Ensure today" but I can't. I can't. That's only on Sundays. They're saying I can't go to the book fair. What is this place. I broke my shin on my run today. I think I'm anorexic. 

Hi. I'm Austin. I broke my shin today. 

People were always telling me that I might break my shin. It might happen someday. Well now they're taking me into the hospital. I don't know what to do. I've never been in this place before. The walls are white. I know it's going to be difficult. I have to drink milk. Not non, or 1, or 2% milk. When I look at 2% I feel fat. Fat as a doorknob. I want to get out of this fat stuffy place, I want to get out of this hospital

but they hold me down. They say, I can't go. I watch my friends running through the window. My life is passing me by and theirs is passing theirs by but at least they are running. They're running around and around in circles. It looks fun they see rainbows. I'm running around and around in circles 

trying to think of what to tell you. I'm painting a rainbow. I hope you climb onboard. I hope you ride to a whole new world where you can see lots of things, and you can eat lots and lots of ice cream, all the ice cream you want, and not even think about it. I really, really, really wanted to go to the book fair. Iw ant to  paint a whole new world for you where you can go to all the book fairs you want and not worry bout me being in the hospital, 

and whether I'm ever going to get out. I have to do my homework. This is homework. I hate homework. This is much harder homework. I have to drink my bottle of Ensure, I have to wash myself (because i Wasn't washing myself, I was getting pretty stinky.) The doctor recommends that I at least try a bowl of ice cream—at least one day, it doesn't have to be today. Someday I'm going to try that bowl of ice cream. I can't wait to see what kind it'll be. Maybe it'll be Mint or maybe Lemon, or Blueberry or Cantaloupe or maybe Cherries Garcia. I really want Cherries Garcia. I hope it'll be the best kind of ice cream 

and it will travel all across the world, telling your stories. Telling my story. Right now I'm all pent up in here, because I can't eat my ice cream. 

I'm going down to the track today. My shin's not doing good. It's still in a cast. They thought it might be good for me to get fresh air. Instead of just imagining things, to actually see them, having fun, running around the track, smiling and laughing. They come and see me. 

I was nervous because I thought they would say something about me anorexic. Or at least they'd know. "Pflieger," I say, but I'm holding it back. I don't want them to see me. They're going to think I'm weird. They're going to think I"m scary. They're going to think there's something wrong with me.

Jeff comes over me. Bobby's little brother. He says "Austin, what up man! We missed you buddy!" He starts giggling uncontrollably which I love about him he's so giggly :) he says "we've missed you ou there buddy."

And I see him.

Pflieger. He walks over slowly.

"Diamond!" I look at him sheepishly. He smiles at me, and it looks like he's fighting back tears. "Come back and run with me."

Well. I finally recovered.  With a lot of faith and hard work I finally did it. I got through. They took me out of the hospital room (which was really my room) and I Saw it with all sorts of brand new shapes and colors. It was absolutely gorgeous. I saw the birds and the bees again and the rocks and the streams and everything that was so beautiful and precious to me. It made me feel so good again. Even if I couldn't run track with them on Sundays or even Saturdays for a few more weeks I came to the practices, and it was a lot of fun. They held me and squeezed me. They loved me and loved me some more. Of course I'm talking about my family. 

My Dad has never been too keen on me going to college. I mean of course he wants me to go to college. What I mean by that is he is always afraid of losing me. When I was a kid, he never wanted to leave me home alone. When I got older, he would always ask to take me with him, to all sorts of places. My Dad is the very best Dad in the world. He has all sorts of incredible stories. When he was a kid he appeared on the Bob Hope Show. He had a loving family. He had a mother and father. He had a Mommy.

That's my Grandma.

She died yesterday. It was actually several years ago. But he's never completely recovered, that fact of losing her. My Mom says that was only one day. You can't live your life like your going to keep losing it. I spend time with her every day, since we know this will be some of our last days. We know I am going to go to college and make lots of friends. Dad wants me to go with him everywhere. To go minitiaure golfing, to play piano. I am happy to go with him. I remember those days when I was little, and I was still a kid, and we would laugh and play all day. 

"What about UCLA?" Dad asks.

"It's too close," I say.

("If he could even get in there," Mom says, injecting reason.)

Then you could go to a community college!

"Joe!" Mom says. "Do you hear what you're saying?"

"Or you could just stay home. That'd be OK!"

"We can't keep him home forever."

"Why not?"

"There'll always be a day he wants to explore." Everyone's telling him the same thing. Rick and Steve and Susan. And Tyler and Perry. =P My favorite TV show. Doing homework and applying for college is kind of stressful. I'm not worried as much about it as the other kids I think but it's important for me to do my homework and take this seriously because if I DONT get into a good college, what will I do? I CANT not go into UCLA?" What are you going to do?" "Stay home." "I don't hunk so." Today's the day. I'm coming home from school. I'm getting a letter in the mail today. It says:

Sorry, you didn't get into UCLA.

Not even wait listed.

Well, that shocked Dad. All throughout my years of high school he thought I'd be staying with him. I'm pretty sure I didn't sabotage it but maybe I did. At leaf I don't think so. Who knows at this point. All I know is in AP English yesterday I got this shock of green, this green, green apparition. I don't know why, but I'm suddenly dreaming of Oregon. The Pacific Northwest. Where everything is always very green. And the grass is greener. I looked up all the websites yesterday. University of Washington. University of Oregon. Oregon State.

They want me to go up to see University of Santa Barbara. Santa Francisco. Francisco. Francisco! I love it like Elf. They want tme to see my possibilities, but I've pretty much decided (and I hate that they took me to the nutrition counselor at University of Santa Barbara) I'm pretty much decided. Iw as thinking of the University of Puget Sound, just sitting  on the grass under a great old tree, just whiling my time away like Amory Blaine in This Side of Paradise but I've decided the University of Oregon is the most pragmatic, the most beautiful, the most, well, middle, I really think it is a smart decision, it's right in-between my high school and a big college with a big middle school, what I mean is that it has 20,000 students instead of a tiny 2,000 like Puget Sound or a giNORmous 40,000 like the University of Washington, well, it just seems right.

And now I'm positively beaming. 

I go into the room, peek around the corner. Dad's laying in bed, napping or reading. I surprise him.

"I'm going to be an Oregon Duck!"

This look comes across his face. He sees me coming and just lays there, like he's sleeping. I go over to him to see if he's awake or faking. He opens his eyes.

"You can't."

Now, let me tell you, if there's one thing to say to a student my age, it's "you can" or "maybe" or "You may be able to," but you definitely do NOT want to say "You can't." I'm almost happy you said it. It makes my decision a lot easier. Because here's the thing - I DO want to change. I want to better my life in every single way. I know I've grown accustomed to being alone and solo, and well, just feeling a little lonely, but I WANT to change that. I want to go to all the proms, the parties, that I missed yesterday,

I want to go to the big football games. I want to go to the big basketball games. I want to see what it means to be on my own. I want to know what it means to be alive. But Dad, Dad I kneed your blessing.

"You know I can never change." He says. He takes me upstairs. He takes me onto his lap. We sit on the piano and play, all sorts of melodies.

A. B. C and A.

We watch all the spring football games. We go to the park and play. It's summer, and we walk together. We tickle each other. We kiss each other. We love each other.

And now it's time for the Olympic Trials.

And I go to school for Orientation. For IntroDUCKtion. I'm going to be a new student. That means I'm going to get some new digs. I had to write my quirks and quiddities on a survey they mailed us so we could see where we'd fit in in our residence halls and new roommate.  I've been talking to my new roommate today, Daniel, and he's actually from Alaska.

This is going to be so awesome.

I went to INtroDuCKTion today. I met this girl named Sophie. Also this boy named Noah. We started out to be pretty good friends but then I saw she was kind of hanging out with Noah so by the end of the time I didn't really hang out with them. I actually felt kind of lonely and alone again. But the good thing is in the pool hall where it happened, where I was just going down on my own to play some ping-pong, and my parents were at a new parents conference, there was this guy named "Roy" who watched me playing pool and Lil' Wayne was playing "Make it Rain" and he liked ma "style," and, in fact, I must actually be pretty cool because he told me during the new year they were going to get some new freshman to "rush." He gave me his number and even though I never thought I'd join a fraternity it's really all I can think about today.

It's my last days at home. I'm packing my bags. Mom is helping me pack. Dad always says he's sorry. That mom doesn't want me. Mom says of course you know I want you! Your Dad's just being silly. We're going into my room. Mom's tucking in my bed. She's kissing me goodnight. I don't want to leave her. Dad's saying "sweet dreams and ice cream" before I go to bed. 

And I see him. I see those eyes. They're keeping me awake at night. I know I have to make them proud. I know I have to make him proud. I know they'll always love me but I know it is very important to me to make them happy.

And it's morning. And it's time to leave.

I'm taking my bags out the front door onto the porch and taking the one step down past the bubbling fountain. Mom opens the gate. I take a deep breath a gulp and take one last look back at home, and me. 

I know I will change. We're planning on getting there in the morning. We stop for pink lemonade. We're driving toward the morning. We're driving toward the northern lights, the yellow and green lights of Eugene. There are so many red lights and yellow lights and green arrows head of me. I don't want to stop going. I wish Dad would stop talking to me, looking at me in the rearview mirror, as if I don't see him listening, waiting, wanting, judging me

I'm going to make my own way. I'm going to carve my own path. I'm going to make my own me. My Dad's always told me to believe in myself, and my Mom's always told me to believe in myself, and just be me, so that's what I'm doing, I think we're almost there, it's been a couple days and nights now, we've finally hit Eugene...

Hi! I'm Austin. Eugene looks pretty cool. Actually absolutely fabulous. I can't believe I'm actually  walking on campus. They have everything I could possibly need. Bookstores. Dining halls. We're going to the book store to get books for the first quarter. Mom says I should get everything right now while there still with me so we can all bring it back to the dorm. I can't wait my new roommates. This is going to be a brand new opportunity.

We pull up to the sidewalk and—

"Hey, are you a new student? Are you going to be in Tingle?"

"Yea."

"Hi! I'm Chase! Do you want me to help you bring your stuff up?"

"That would be so great!"

We walk into the dorm hall up two flights of stairs and open the door to a big hall lined with doors. We walk down the center and it's pretty quiet. There are a couple doors open, I can't really see if anyone's inside. We get to my room with a big paper taped on front with stuff like I do (I have to fill it out). My name tag says "Austin." I open the door to my room. It's going to be my own room. Well, me and Daniel's. I can't wait to meet Daniel. He's not here yet. Me and my Mom and Dad hear a knock on the door. A boy with blond hair and glasses peeps in. "Hi, I'm Will."

"Hi, I'm Austin."

"You just get here?"

I nod.

"I'm new too. Nice to meet you!" He shakes Mom and Dad's hands. "It looks like you have a pretty amazing family. So what do you do?"

"Oh, just stay home...I've been working with him!"

My Dad struggles. "I...do parties."

"That's cool. I'm from Boring, Oregon."

TO BE CONTINUED

"This shouldn't be too boring. I think a lot of people would like to meet you."

"Hi! I'm Billy!"

"Hey! I'm Daniel!"

We go into Ryan's too—

"Daniel?"

"From Alaska."

"But you're Daniel too."

"Just call me Daniel from Alaska."

We go into Ryan's room. President er I mean Barack Obama's speech is going on in the lectern. The room is cloaked with blue and there's lots of stars behind him. He raises his hands and says we should believe. "Yes we can!" We have a crazy watch party. (I wonder if any of us are Republicans =P) I don't really know what I am. We watch the NBA, a exhibition game and talk about how great it's going to be have tacos. We go down to check out the dining halls. We go to play. 

We go to dance. 

We go to sing.

There's going to be a massive party in the Fishbowl. I go with Daniel and there's going to be a huge laser tag game and me and Daniel run and play and make a pretty great team if I do say so myself, we almost knock each other, we'll have get used to each other, I think I'm still working things out because some thing seems strange. I'm having a lot of fun with all these parties, SO much fun, but at the end of the day when I meet Mom and Dad to go to dinner with them and go back to the hotel room for them to kiss me goodnight and so I can say 'I love you' to them too I keep wondering what life without them is going to be like no homework no rules no crazy parties no staying up late at night i have it in reverse i just don't know i don't know what college will be like I'm kind of nervous but when i tell you i love you i wish you'd kiss me goodnight i think this is on autocorrect because I want to talk about the last night

when Daniel and me were playing laser tag. we went into the EMU to see what kind of stuff they had like Subway and Panda Express and also a place where we could get Indian food and I was ready to kiss them goodnight and it was time to go get a bite to eat with Mom and Dad just like we did every night, and so we went and I told them all about my day. I told them how fun it was to meet all my new roommates. How great it was to pick my classes. I actually saw Noah and Sophia today and they said hi. I met my new "Fig-"ers today, I might actually be joining a frat house and now we're ordering dinner and actually ordering dessert and actually riding in the car. We're going back to the hotel. I'm going to kiss them goodnight. We're going back to the dorm room to pick up my stuff to take back to my house

"No. Not today."

I look around. I look at my mother and father. Mom is cradling Dad's head in her arms. She's leaning on his shoulder. I know that looks pretty gay. I know that it looks stupid. I'm just trying to tell you about what's happening, what happened that day, I think my heart beat for the first time, the first time, in so long. I looked at my family. Maybe it was a Sunday. Maybe it was a Monday. They told me I was going to do great, and they hugged me and hugged me. They tickled and squeezed me. My heart beat so loudly. It beat like a hummingbird. I remembered everything my Dad had ever told me, that I would be great. That I would be with them. That I would never be alone. That I would be forever loved. And I told them I loved them. They hugged me and hugged me. I told them I loved them. 

I mean it forever, and I meant it that day.

COLLEGE

Hi! I'm Austin. College is amazing. I went to my first fraternity party today. OK, well, it was mini-golf. =P I never thought my fraternity would actually do stuff like this. I'm surprised people don't think it's gay. =P We're getting cheese pizza. I'm not sure if we're gonna have any. I see Roy. "Hey dude," he says. I feel really cool. I wore my polo shirt today. Well today's my first day of school. Me and Daniel are going to Common Grounds to get a breakfast sandwich. I'm so happy that I can actually eat it today and we're going to go to Grab N' Go and they have all my favorite foods, Cheerios and really good yummy granola, I'mr early excited to go to my first class today, for my first day of school. I wonder what college will be like. I know there's going to be lots of freedom but there's still a lot of things I don't know or don't understand, like for example how is it possible that I can get free pizza? =P How is it possible for me to race across campus and actually get to all my classes in time! There's just a five-minute window. I'm running, I'm running, I'm actually hurrying and whew! it looks like I made it just fine. I have class with Dr. Galen. He's my FIG teacher. We're going to meet a girl from Kenya.

She tells us what Kenya is like. People are pretty poor. Some people don't have fresh water. Women carry baskets on their heads. It's kind of like my Grandpa and his National Geographics. Did I tell you my Grandpa collects National Geographics? Dear Diary, I really want them. They would be awesome and really cool to have. He said I could have them. I think I will be really really excited when I get them. He said I could have them when he's dead. 

I'm not sure why I'm saying that. I'm gonna have poetry class. I'm not sure what my major will be but I'm thinking of becoming an English major. With all the writing I have I think it might be "right up my alley," as my Mom says.

"Hi, Mom!'

"Hi, Austin!"

"Can I talk to Dad? Where is he?"

"Moping."

"How was your drive back down the coast? Did you see a lot of the country? Was it exciting?"

"He was moping the whole way home."

"Well...can I talk to him..?"

"Doodleman?? Is that Doodleman on the phone!!!!!!!!"

"Hi, Dad."

"Hi, Austin."

"So...do you like it?"

"Dad, I love it."

"Tell me about your day."

"Let's see. Today I had my first day of college. I think all the subsequent days are going to be pretty awesome. Today I got up early and had breakfast and had pancakes. I went to Grab n' Go and got a fruit salad. They have really good fruit salads. They also have this place that's like Chuck E Cheese, I mean you can get anything you want, I love the dining hall at Carson because you can make your own sundaes. They have different kinds of food every day. 

I went to running club today. I met Tanner. He's my age. He's another freshman. We went running today and we ran up and down the hills and I feel stronger than before. It's so freaking LIBERATING. The wind rushing against my face and doing all these things I never even dreamt of doing like staying up late. I think I might be meeting a girl. I never met a girl before. I mean I've never gone on a date. Not a date date! I'm just seeing her!! Her name is Christa. I've never been so in love with anyone before!!

Take your time. 

Hi! I'm Austin. Today was a really great day. I got to go to my first football game and I went with Chase, and Will and Victor and all my friends from Tingle and boy we roared ooooOOOOOO and when we got back there was a HUGE thunderstorm and we got all soaking wet and well, let's just say it was water under the bridge. At night I went out to look at the paper lanterns that were floating our way across the sea and we all went down to Prince Puchler's to get ice cream. Let me tell you it was just as good or even better than Ben & Jerry's.

Let me tell you. I miss home sometimes. But home is here now. I have lots of friends and family. My friends are my family. Besides Tanner and Will and Chase McKenzie there are all sorts of other people, my teachers, the staff, the rest of the faculty, the throbbing heart of the campus, and we all congregate in the center of the campus, on the square, and tell each other stories. There's Science and Math and English Majors. There's History and Philosophy and some majors for things I've never even heard of. :P

I like it. But I miss you. Do you miss me to? Please come up. Mom. Dad. I have so much to show you. :) This is my world. This is my new place. Dad, I hope you can understand it, I hope it's OK.

I see you.

Check out my new family. Check out all my classrooms. I'm having a science test today. I'm going to declare my major today.

I am an English major. My heart is pounding. I can't wait to go home for the summer. I can't wait to show everybody what I've learned, and am learning. I just enrolled in all my fall classes. There's going to be ENG 201, 202, 203. The history of English. I've always loved history. I have class with Dr. Lasky. To be filled in a room who all have the same passion as me. I can't believe what we're doing. We're reading books and discussing who the people are, what they did, what they mean and what they mean to me. We're reading about ancient history, the first people, the first family, Adam, Eve, the Romans and the Greeks. This place called Paradise that people used to try and get to, to sail ove the world, across countless seas, and they never completely realized, that it all came down to one thing—me—trying to figure out where I can possibly read. The benches are all taken. I was looking for a spot and I found this great place under a tree. I can't believe how green this lawn is, and for some reason, something is telling me to lay down on my stomach and look at a flower. This flower. I've never noticed flowers before. It's so small and blue. There's another one next to it that's yellow. Somehow I feel like this tiny little flower is going to make me very happy. 

I had another English class today. Dr. Bovilsky is having us read Paradise Lost. There's also another place called Paradise Gained. I wonder why this part of this book wasn't published. It seems to me like there's a lot to lose but a whole lot more to gain if we just come together. I had a group project today in my Environmental Science class and it's actually getting pretty interesting.

I never really considered myself a nature person. But we're picking classes and there's this class called "Trees Across Oregon." I've seen this weird guy dressed all in white (well, he's really white) just walking around. He's all in plaid. His name's Whitey. I signed up for class and we had our first class today, we just walked over to his house. There was this weird little signpost saying 'Welcome to Whitey's World," I've never seen someone so happy.

Chickens. Tomatoes. Flowers. Bees. Aspens. "Poplars." I"ve never heard that word before I mean I"ve never even seen someone who keeps their own bees I'm tap tap tapping away :) Somehow I have a feeling that Whitey is going to make me very happy. :)

We had Trees Across Oregon today. Nate is one of the assistants, and so is Eric (?). We learned to identify trees we came to this Douglas-fir tree. We actually got to feel it in our hands the needle felt so nice. I like Christa. I like Christa a lot. It feels absolutely magical. I feel like I'm entering a whole new world. I can't wait for tomorrow. :)

I'm going with Whitey on a big field trip. We're going to the Cascades. There's a snow bunny. A snow hare! I've never seen so much snow!

MY TRIP TO WHITEY

MY TRIP WITH WHITEY'S PLACE

Whitey's taking me into the woods. I can't wait. :) The needles are going to be so crisp and sharp. I can smell them. "Three Madrone Place"

MY NEXT CHAPTER

TO BE CONTINUED

I am so excited. We're going on another big adventure today. Whitey's asked me to be the next Trees Across Oregon. This is my true calling. To show leafs to everyone, to show everyone why we should make the world green, I feel more fulfilled than ever. My running is going great. Everything is going amazing. Maybe running doesn't matter. Maybe only trees matter. I go on all sorts of adventures

I was teaching class today and I met this girl. This girl. I have a feeling she's going to color my world. We were going up Skinner's Butte and Whitey had binoculars he said, "Look! Look! An eagle!" I didn't see any. But I pretended I did to seem important. I brought my binoculars so other people could see and this girl said "Can I see?" and we started talking. Her name is Kelli, I think. We came back to class and I feel like we are going to be a part of history. She took a leaf. She asked why is it green. I said because this leaf is from a bayberry and this leaf is from a cottonwood tree. She asked what's this leaf. She brought it to me.

She popped the cherry.

I mean popped off a blossom from the cherry tree, and threw it to me. :)

We happened to see each other at the Relays. I said, "Hey, Kelly." No, I turned around. She had seen me. She said "Hi, Austin." I was so surprised. She was absolutely beaming. I spun around and said Isn't this neat? She said it sure is! I said do you wanna go on a date with me?

We went on a walk. We went into Hendrick's Park. This is a park that's covered (no, coated) with Douglas-fir and lots of evergreens and it was actually raining, I asked Jesse if I could borrow his umbrella because I wasn't sure if Kelly would want it. 

And I Saw her. She was standing there. I asked her if she wanted an umbrella. She said she just liked walking in the rain, like me, and we started walking and we walked up the hill and I was thinking how great is it to talk to someone who is just like me and I said, "Hey, Kelly," and before I could speak she looked at me and said, "Austin, I want to tell you something."

I was raped when I was younger. My uncle had me. I have a kid.

I was like HOLY SHIT, I was like whoa, Kelly. You don't have to tell this to me.

She said, I want to. I'm pregnant. At least I was. I still have these feelings...

I said, Kelly, take all the time you need. I'll be here waiting with you. We can go so many places. This is my favorite entree. I told her how the magnolia was my favorite tree because they look like light bulbs. They pop out bright and white and pink in a place that's so green.

We went into the museum. The clerk looked at us. I think she winked at me ;) We put on our hats. We put on our masks. We walked pas the polar bears and I asked what she always dreamed of when she was a kid and she said "when i was riding a girl I always dreamed of riding on polar bears" I said me too :) even though I was lying. 

We looked at tpictures of outer space.

We entered a children's room. I tea the children's museum. There were all these handprints and fingerprint everywhere and the whole room was a mess there were these saber-tooth tiger's teeth and leaves and flowers and artifacts. There was a place where we could make masks, and we made masks for ourselves. I was a tiger. She was Kelly. Or maybe she was the tiger and I was me, but we couldn't see, because we were laughing so hard and smiling and we came out of the museum and the clerk I swear winked at me again because we were holding our hands, and we went into the store and we went back to my place—at least I always dreamed of heading back to my place. Me Tarzan. You Jane. Oo aa aa! This is going to be so nice! She asked if I wanted to see her dorm room and I met her roommate and her roommate, who was Asian and shy, I think she got a pretty good idea because she blushed and was kinda embarrassed..."I think I'm just going to leave" as in leave the two of you alone we looked out the window at a magnolia tree and I said "Man, Kelly, you are so amazing" and she said "You are too :)" and it felt so amazing and I stood under the magnolia tree and it was like Romeo and juliet and the next day I texted her and asked her if she wanted to go on another date and she said yes and we shared a Naked juice and sat on the grass and shared a peanut butter jelly sandwich and walked the kids play on the grass, an adorable stick game, Tumban! Tumban! I see you! We asked what was the point. It was this funny little game they were playing where they had to get a soccer ball with a stick? I don't even remember there's so many things I want to write in my journal and I know it's kind of obvious but i'm in love, I'm in love, Oh God I'm in Love! :) I think this might be it! I think she might be the girl I'm actually going to be married! Not Danielle, Not Ally, not anybody! Just the two of us! We are going to fall in love and have all sorts of kids, and do all sorts of incredible things, save the world, stand on  a cliff, look out toward the horizon, oh God I think we can actuallys ave the world Kelly, we'll go on picnics, the two of us together, I know we can do it, I think it might be time to go in for a kiss!

Uhh, Kelly

yes

You want to go to a Open Mic with me today

yes

you are an incredible poet

i brought you a leaf

i know its your favorite

Hey, Mom, I met a girl today

What do you mean 'a girl?' Are you going out?

Be careful, honey.

Use adequate protection!!

Momm!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to school today. i'm llookin gfor Kelly. She's not answering me. I just got back from my run and I see her on a bench. Another dude is talking to her I come up to her and he says, "Dude, you know she's pregnant??"

I don't care. Kelly si mine. We're going to do all sorts of these things together. Watch Castaway. I'm going to the student store I mean the place where you rent movies in the new Living & Learning Center. I'm looking through the movies for the best movies. I think I'm going to pick my favorite movie. I don't remember how I first saw Castaway but I really like Tom Hanks and I feel like it just might be right. I call Kelly and I'm cooking for her tonight. 

We're going to go under the stars. We're going to lay out and sleep under the stars in a picnic the place where she said she loves and maybe watch the sun come up. It'll be rosy we'll see Orion and she's coming home tonight, I mean she's coming tom y house. I'm getting ready. I have to go get her. I have to get Castaway. I asked Chelsea if, you know, maybe she and Calvin could leave...you know, go some place else because...Chelsea winked at me. I know exactly what you're thinking. :)

Everyone thinks I'm very shy. But not tonight. Tonight I'm going to be brave. I go to get Kelly, or, no, she comes tot he door and knocks and Jesse answers it and says "You must be Kelly" and god bless the man he says "I was just heading out" and Robert too, oh, my gosh, today is the night. I just got a tingle up my spine. We're sitting on the couch. I pop in the movie. Kelly puts her head on my shoulder. I just realized whoa, the character's name in th emovie is Kelly. Maybe that means I'm Tom. Tom and Kelly are riding on a plane. They're going to a tropical island. No. His plane crashes. HE winds up on a tropical island. Kelly is back home, waiting. Tom has to survive. He does all these cool things by himself, catch fish, catch rocks, catch a cold, he has to wait out a massive thunderstorm

his tooth is broken. His will is nearly broken. But he keeps a picture of Kelly on his cave-dresser. He camps out in a cave and waits out the thunderstorm and when he comes out there's a huge gigantic rainbow, it's like he has a whole new lease on life and he realizes that he has to leave this island, that he has to say goodbye, that he has to get home whatEVER it takes, he takes the picture of Kelly and he starts to construct a raft. It takes him a couple of days which is still pretty epic considering where he came from just a normal Postal Delivery man and he doesn't even drive a cool truck I can't remember if he works for FedEx or UPS but he gets the raft and he's so skinny now, that when he goes out from the island he has to bump over these tropical seas that bump and bump and lash at him and he has this volleyball named Wilson and this really sad song starts playing—no, just the theme. A few notes. You don't even realize it's begun playing. It's just an ordinary day. There is total silence. There's a gentle breeze. After the storm he doesn't realize he's fallen asleep.

And the ocean sprays him. He wakes up. Wilson isn't tied to his raft any longer. He has a moment of shock. "Wilson! Wilson!!!!" He looks up and fortunately he sees Wilson bobbing there not too very far away. He gets his rope and starts to swim out and prepare sot leave the island.

And that's when the sad song starts playing. You don't realize it at first, but with the rope in his hand and the bones in his body-bag when he tries to swim to get Wilson Wilson keeps drifting farther out with the current, and he has to make a choice, he has to save himself or save Wilson and he realizes he can only save himself and he cries out Wilson, Wilson, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and THAT'S when the really sad music starts playing, that's when it really hits me, that he has lost this island this friend this person who was so close to him

And he finally gets home. He opens the door. I guess it's kind of the coda of the piece. I wasn't expecting it. Tom Hanks is clean-shaven now. He opens the door and it's...Helen. Helen Hunt. You know. Kelly. She says "Come in" and she says "I'm married now." And she shows him her family home. All the pictures of the kids. "Hank, I thought you died. We all did. We didn't know you were going to make it back. I had to move on." 

And the sad song starts playing again, quiet.

"But I always hoped. I always dreamed you would. You know the Tennessee Titans, they won the Super Bowl."

"Well, I'll be darned. I never thought they'd do it." 

"My kids are 2 and 3 now. You should meet them." She takes him into the back door. "Wow, Kelly," she opens the door.

It leads to the garage. "You have a nice place. I guess I'll be leaving now. He reaches over to shake her hand." She says "Want to go for a ride?" And they go in the car and it's raining. Of course it's raining. They're both pretty quiet, trying to think of what to say. Kelly leans in and gives him a kiss.

And at that moment I nearly cried. I felt Kelly pulling away from me. All through the night I felt her body so warm and close to me and in the movie, when they're finally about to say goodbye, when Kelly leans in for a final kiss, when they are standing outside their house and no one wants to say goodbye, God, Kelly, I knew it must end. I knew I had to say goodbye. I felt you already leaving me. I stayed up with you through the night. We shared so many stories. We were meant to be together, Kelly. I don't know how to begin a story like this. 

So that was it for me and Kelly. I was pretty down in the dumps. I had really been looking forward to Earth Day but it just didn't seem to be the same. I saw a scrub-jay by a stand of violets that were so overwhelmingly pink I could barely hold it in and I lay on my back in my yard, looking up at the big green maples, but it all seemed lifeless. Everything was tinged with sadness. My life had lost its color. I went to the same school every day. I wanted to try something. 

Something new. I kept exploring. I got this idea that I could be God. If I tried hard enough, if I really, really tried hard enough, if I truly believed enough, I could make anything happen. I could cause earthquakes. I could shake bridges. I could cause fires. I could cause floods. I could cause hurricanes. I could make all sorts of terrible things happen. I'd wanted to be a hero, but now, my path was clear. I would skulk through the night causing all sorts of mayhem—and then my Grandpa died.

I don't know what to do anymore. We're at his funeral in Kentucky. I see so many things. So many incredible things. The leaves that are so green. The green, that is turning to fall. The leaves that are starting to fall. Snow. Everything is getting covered in white. The blue jay, the cardinal. I hear the wedding bells, the funeral bells. I hear the four-gun salute. *Poom Poom Poom Poom* I want to cry. I never thought I would care so much my Grandpa died. They're sending the National Geographics home with me. I'm going back to school. Whitey is going to take me on an incredible field trip. I'm leading my pack across the bridge. It's so beautiful outside. Polly asks if I want a cookie. 

I can't even have it. I don't even want a taste. The light's so strong and beautiful on the deep blue river. I'm really hungry and I'm going to go to Market of Choice. Let me take my bike. No, actually, let me take my bike and call my parents. I'm sure they'd love to hear from me. "How was your day? It was amazing. Amazing as always? It sure was :) for some reason I feel like going to a cliff I feel like asking God for an answer. Why do you keep doing this? Why can I never be happy? What was I put here for, if for this? There has to be a purpose for this! There has to be a reason! Why am I about to do this? 

I returned home. I could've sworn I saw a meteor. I turned on my computer. I was so, so desperate. And then I saw a flash. I started reading this. 

Dear all,

I am writing to inform you of a huge disaster. Some of you may have heard media reports that Dole, the huge banana company, has illegally invaded a national park. They've started clearing hundreds, if not thousands of acres. I'm looking for teachers (or their students) who would like to join a golden opportunity to study the recovery of a landscape that was pretty much leveled to the ground. I look forward to some enthusiastic responses! Story and images will follow.

-Shermin  

i clicked the links.  There were all these pictures of the plantation, cropped out, burnt to the ground, a vast stand of monoculture of green where the river had once cut through a green valley it was criss-crossed gray like a moonscape, and I kept on reading and I read the comments from the Science Director, the National Parks department, I couldn't believe it, no one, and I mean NO ONE had ever come across a story like this, "There is still a question whether the park will be rehabilitated," there were painted storks and rusty spotted fishing cats (Prunus vilgarus) and sambas and plants but most of all there were these ELEPHANTS, elephants that had never been created from the beginning of time, and now were actually ENDANGERED—and that's right—these elephants had no tusks. They were different from everybody else. There were less than 400 real tuskers remaining on the island. I couldn't believe it. I was pretty much going crazy with excitement. I e-mailed Shermin. 

I said I was interested in coming out and keeping a journal. She said "Wow! That sounds like a great idea. I'm definitely interested. Can I see your CV?"

"What's a CV?" I thought. I looked online. Curriculum vitae. A summary of your life. I didn't know how to encapsulate it. I looked online for examples. I just sent her a resume, along with some samples of my writings. She said "looks good! Let's see what we can do about a stipend."

I walked around school in a daze. I couldn't believe this was happening. Everything was coming together so perfectly, just out of thin air. I looked for scholarships and grants online. I talked to my friends. I remembered Peter Heller. 

We had been fortunate enough to Skype him in my Environmental Journalism class.  My Dad had emailed him a few months before asking if he could just give some advice to me, as an aspiring writer. Now it was my turn to email him. I told him about my idea for a book - In the Shadow of Giants

It would have so many things. A massive tsunami, sweeping over all the villages. The astounding greed of Dole and other multinational corporations. The plight of the endangered elephants. 

And, this holy mountain that I had read about, Sri Pada, which was perhaps the most sacred mountain in the world, important to all of the world's religions. 

There was also this conception of Paradise. Ever since the beginning of time people have been searching for it. Just as Carolus Linnaeus discovered the system of taxonomy, and denoted A is for Apple, people have thought this place existed, even if there really weren't any apples! 

Because, if you think about it, a banana sure is more suggestive!

So I got ready to leave. My Mom and Dad were pretty sorry I was leaving. But they could tell I was happy.

So I got ready to leave. I looked at the world around me. My house. My hill. Deep inside my canyon, inside the heart of me. I wasn't questioning what I was doing, or where I was going, but I knew something mysterious, something powerful was drawing me. I couldn't quite explain it. The last few weeks before I left, I had dreams for three consecutive nights. The first of the dreams had elephants. They were walking on a place very, very green, and beautiful. It was completely idyllic. There were freshets splashing everywhere. They were all smiling. They were all playing with each other, going up and down rolling hills. The next night this green land had been replaced with a desert parched red. They were moving slowly now, and they had lost their expressions, and then—I don't know how to explain it—in the last dream I had, everything was perfectly white. They had completely disappeared. Maybe I saw a green spot rolling, or maybe a gray one, but for the most part, they had vanished—it was painfully clear—it was like they never had even existed. 

My heart throbbed. For the next few weeks I went on adventures. I rekindled my friendship with LL. We went to climb a mountain, we went to a rave. He couldn't believe I was leaving. I had always been the quiet one. But I knew that today something was changing, I got up early, I went for a walk on a Sunday

and I discovered this place, full of rolling fields of flowers. I had never knew this place even existed. I stood high up, caught in my fisherman's dream. I saw all the souls rising. I kept it in the back of my mind. I don't know if I'd ever seen such a beautiful place, and when I returned, if I finally got a chance to return, I thought I would go there. I returned home and stood on my hill. The next morning I woke up early and got ready to say goodbye to my parents. We wheeled my luggage outside. I would just be carrying my backpack and one duffle bag. I shut the gate behind me. We piled into the car and we drove toward the airport, and I hugged my parents, and well, I nearly cried.

I walked into the airport. The planes boomed operatically off the big glass walls. I got my ticket. "You're kind of young for this," the ticket-master said. I smiled. I knew I would have to get used to it! I even took a picture of me brushing my teeth! It was going to be so exciting. I walked to the gate. I overheard some security guards talking about lions and tigers. I saw this guy who looked maybe to be Indian, he said he was "T.J.," the editor of a local magazine. He asked where I was going. I said, "to save the elephants." He said, "to anywhere else?" I said, "Well, I was kind of wondering about Adam's Peak. What do you think? Is it worth going?" He said, "You will have to decide for yourself if you believe me. But when I was a young boy, I climbed up the mountain and it got really foggy and I was climbing all by myself, but I finally reached it, and somehow—I don't know how—the monk at the top knew me." He continued. "He gave me a key. Before I turned back to return home, I rang a bell. To conclude," he said, "it's definitely a worthwhile journey. But you have to decide for yourself." "Thanks," I said. I got onto the plane. We were flying for a long time, flying over oceans, over fields, over cities. I felt like I was in a hot-air balloon or a propeller plane. I could see everything. The oceans, like I said. The rivers. The valleys. The mountains. The forests. And, somehow, we just kept climbing. I blinked and i had to rub my eyes, I could barely believe it. We were flying over what had to be the NORTH POLE. I half-expected to see Santa! Or at least Ernest Shackleton with his sled-dogs, skating across the frozen island. The frozen planet. I knew I had to make a difference. This would be my one chance. And while we were flying, I started counting. I realized my trip would be 80 days. I didn't know if my story could compare to Phileas Fogg, or any of the other great adventures I'd read about when I was a kid, but one thing gave me confidence: unlike those novels which were fantastical when I was a kid, my story would be real.   

So we pulled into Paradise.

I think I will always have a lasting image of dropping down onto the island in my head. I remember the clouds clearing at the very last second, a ray of light shining down onto the island, illuminating its manifold manifest green valleys, its forests and folds, its palm trees, and blue lagoons and red red roads, I was a little shocked to see how expansive it was, how wildly diverse it was, how when we finally touched down and I took a deep happy breath which brought a smile out of my chest onto my mouth I was greeted by some lovely turquoise-clad ladies who came out =P and helped show me the way to the Visa check-in station. The clerk asked at the gate what my "purpose" was here. I didn't say save the elephants. I said I was a student on vacation! I wasn't sure if Dole had its feelers out anywhere, and they would put some of its henchmen in my way! >:) 

I got out of the airport. There was a little person waiting for me. I don't mean to say he was a "little person" in the way like a Wizard of Oz munchkin but he was pretty funny, the way he was so subservient and willing to please and even held up my name, _________________, I'm not sure if I should tell you my name. The more I think about it, I just take out any sort of reference. If my story is to succeed, I have to seem like an ordinary person. My new friend told me that it was a long journey to the camp, and we better get going. We rode along in the shade. I got my VISA extended for more than 80 days (it was unintentional—M said he knew the "Big Man"!" I got my first glimpse of monkeys. =) We bounced over rolling hills, saw some in the distance, saw rainbows, through the light and the shade, I saw him looking at me in the rear-view mirror and he reminded me of someone, I couldn't say who in particular, it was pretty strange I started getting sleepy, we were riding through the country and i saw the stars start rising over the swaying fields, over the towering fields of...what? I don't know, it was night now ,and we seemed to passing over some sort of causeway, we seemed to be passing into a village, a small, quiet neighborhood, with some lights flashing. We pulled off into a narrow darkened street and into what looked like a driveway. M got out and opened a gate. It had the face of a lion. Ahead of us, under a door, there was a light shifting.

It shuffled.

"Good luck, my friend," Mahesh said.

"Hello?" this apparition called. (Could it be the "Big Man" himself?)

I took my backpack and duffle and walked to the door. "Come in, come in," he said. I couldn't really see him. Maybe I was just too sleepy. He said "let me show you around." I normally have a pretty good memory but all I remember is us walking, him taking me around to my bedroom. I guess I'll have to wait for the morning.

Wow. I just woke up. I had a dream that a hand was reaching down to grab me, and it was weird, it was a very beautiful day, there was a just single cloud where the hand came down, and i was on a bed of green...and...I just woke up. I looked out the window. It's bright and sunny. I appear to be under some form of sky-blue dress, which I suppose is a mosquito net, the bed across from me is empty, it's sky-blue mosquito net is tied up in a rose...

I hear humming. No, singing. I'm opening the door and emerging into a long white hall with cottage cheese walls and light coming from high windows near the ceiling and at the end of the hall there appears to be a drapery and there is a statue of someone watching me, I push through the drapery and it's him, it must be this strange man who I met last night, singing...

"Mr. Austin!"

Yo man bando vesak balanna

"How did you sleep?"

"I slept great. Thanks! What's your name?"

"I am Darmasiri. But you can call me Siri."

He hugs me and squeezes me. He hugs me so hard I can barely breathe which causes me to start smiling and laughing. :)

"We are going to have so much fun together," he says. "Let me take you outside. Let me show you everything." 

He shows me the garden. There are trees of every kind. I can't believe it! There are coconut trees and mango trees and pineapple trees and guava trees and, well, some banana trees, and even jam trees. I can't believe it. A single jam tree. I feel like asking if they make peanut butter and jelly? =P There's a tiny bird flitting around. When he walks he seems to keep growing taller, like he's walking on beanstalks and drifting up into the sky and like he has lights on the back of his shoes, I should say under his soles, he seems to be very spiritual when I watch him sweep up the dirt he's wearing a skirt that has wheels around its border all leading to its center of the garden which is, I think, if I had to choose, under a mango tree. There's a bench that he fashioned himself. It's full of ripe, overhanging fruit. We sit there. He asks me to tell me my story. He asks about my family. I'm not sure what to say. I don't really know what to tell you. 

I ask him if he ever sees his family. 

"I get to go on the weekends. But even then, I miss them. I have three little kids. I miss my wife, and I can't wait to see them again."

And now it is night. He asks if I want to go up to the roof. Why not? I say. I would love to. For some reason I'm feeling a little depressed. I'm sure he thinks this would be just the ticket. He leads me up the stairs and we climb onto the roof and I look out, and I have to catch my breath. It's amazing. I can see to what must be the most very farthest out places. I see lighthouses flashing in the distance leading to what must be other islands and in the other direction I see the outlines of tropical mountains, and a tropical sunset, like the orangiest guaviest fruit punch, and the green and golden and silver fields of grass, and as the sun sets and the stars come out, truly for the first time, I see the moon. And I think to myself, I will make new constellations for myself. I will name her Cleo and one Asanza and one Fitzpatrick, I don't know, I'm just making up names =P, the son of a dog and the son of Orion and the daughter of a man who she loved.

I must have fallen asleep. I'm back home in my bed, and it's nearly morning. The house is burning. I see my parents watching me, and they're wondering if I'm still asleep. 

Is it your fault, if you sleep through a village burning?

I wake up and gasp forward, unsure of whether it's morning.

Darmasiri says we will have new visitors today. I took a walk through the village and met some funny strange people. One of them asked if I wanted to "dink." I saw this beautiful girl filling jugs of water by a fountain or small water tower and I helped her carry them home. She was riding on her bicycle. She asked if I was married. I nearly embarrassed myself. I think I got an erection :*) I wish there was a way I could make the other side blush 

and this boy leaped out and put his hands on his hips. He seemed to think he was a pirate. His Mom was like, "Go ahead, take a picture of him!" because she was so proud. Why wouldn't she be? He was so adorable, the perfect kid, just like Little Boy Blue (whoever that is), I don't remember the nursery rhyme any longer. I wish I did. Darmasiri said "now where were you?" when I came home as though I had done something wrong and let me say I wasn't too happy about it but I heard some motorbikes pull up and Darmasiri said "the first researchers are here! Come and meet them!"

One of them was the boy who I had seen walking through the neighborhood. Not the one I mean who was the pretending pirate, one who I saw playing a game of cricket and wearing a bright red polo shirt and running down the lane. I think he was the fastest. When I saw him he flipped his head like "Hey, cool." He gave a little heroic smirk. He seemed to think he was sexy-cool. The other kid (I mean the other researcher) was a little more rambunctious. When he saw me he came over and shook my hand vigorously and said, "Hi! Sameera!" I think he must be Sameera. He probably knows the most English and gets really excited in his conversations but then really serious. 

"Why are you here?" he asks. 

"To cover the story of the elephants." 

"What about them?"

"I heard what Dole did. It's terrible what they did, causing so much fear and destruction..."

"Don't write about this," Sameera says.

"Huh?" I ask.

"Don't write about hardship. War will always be there, if we keep talking about it. Write about peace."

I think I can do that. I say. :)

This place is Paradise. We have a hill and a glade. We have fruit trees galore. We have so many things that I haven't seen before. Little green bee-eaters. They're bright and aqua-chinned and cheery. The other day me and Tharanga followed up a little kitten. We'd found him under the roof in a shoebox.It seemed to miss its mother. It rubbed against the post holding up the roof and then came up to my shoe but I was so scared because I thought it might have rabies. I ran back, gingerly, down the stairs, and the way it looked at me I though tit might attack me. But then I saw that he was just scared, too. He followed me into the aquamarine fish tank. He watched the goldfish swim. 

And my heart nearly melt when we had to say goodbye to him. I wasn't sure if Dharmasiri would approve of it. I said goodbye to him and Tharanga and Sameera joined me and Dhamasiri for some yummy coconut curry. Dharmasiri wouldn't eat with us, it was weird, it's like he wants to see me but he doesn't want me to see too much of him. He says that he's going to be leaving in a few days, but soon we will have a new visitor. 

I wonder who it could be. Could it be Shermin? I've been wondering why she hasn't been around. I am so excited to meet her! Dharmasiri says it's someone "with whom" I can go running. Kinda doubt Dharmasiri would say that! =P He's so mysterious and today, well, today someone pulled up in a big ol' Jeep. It was Sameera and Tharanga, and also can't forget about Kumara! who's so so giggly. He makes me so happy. Today they got out but in the back of the Jeep this little boy, I have to think this little prince, Ashoka came out.

Our story is one for the ages. I was really nervous at first. In lieu of Shermin I think Ashoka is the head honcho of the whole elephant operation.  I wanted to prove to himself and myself that I can handle it, I know Shermin was a little worried that I wouldn't.

Ashoka is stretching. Dharma says I should go over and say hi to him. 

"Hi," I say. "Want to go running?"

He kind of looks off to the side and scoffs. He puts on his gym pants. I put on my running shorts. We head off down the road and start running under the trees and it seems like he's trying to escape he's trying to outrun me

he looks over to me. "Aren't you tired yet?"

"No. Why. Are you?"

We keep running faster and we keep looking at each and looking and eventually I can't take it anymore he can't either me and Ashoka we start laughing.

"So. what's your name?"

"Austin. What's yours?"

"Ashoka."

"I really like that name. You know when I was doing research I read that Asoka was the crown prince. He was the father of Mahinda who brought Buddhism from India and a small bright seed, the gift of the Bodhi tree."

"I've always wondered about sunsets. Have you ever stopped to think, when the light sets on the mountaintop, like right over there, if it's actually someone achieving enlightenment sitting up there?"

Ashoka laughed. (Cross out) Ashoka laughs. "Can't say that I have."

These stars. They're so magical. So golden. They go by so many names. Do you know what they are? That's Orion. I think that one's Jupiter, the bright red star. We could probably see Saturn if we stayed up til the morning. Do you want to run again tomorrow?

We return home. The door is open. Shermin's there. I walk in. I truly feel like I'm part of one big happy family now. All its parts are here. Darmasiri, who is kind of like my Dad, and Shermin, who'll be my mother, and Ashoka, who's kind of my big or little brother, and Kumara and Sameera and Tharanga, who are my best of friends, and Dame Nisha Suhood, who'll be my aunt, and Grandma and Grandpa, somewhere sitting there, watching down on me and I'm so very happy :)

I take a nice hot shower. I change into my best clothes. White shorts and a bright lime green tropical shirt. Gotta put on some mosquito bug spray 8-) We're having curry tonight. We're making it in the kitchen and I come out of the kitchen out into the night and we have a really good dinner, me and Ashoka stay up late all night talking, talking about what we'll do, how we hope to change the world (at least I do), we hope to change the world for the better and I tell Ashoka I've always kind of found it hard to separate fact from fiction, I've kind of always struggled with it, and Ashoka says "I think we all do. It is hard. You've just gotta roll with it."

I tell him about my plans. To someday scale Adam's Peak. It just hit me that I haven't talked about the elephants yet. I haven't even seen them!! I ask where they're hiding. Asoka says they're in the National Park. He can set me up a ride for tomorrow. At the crack of dawn I'll be up early and my Jeep will be waiting :) 

It's here. The grass is so green. Actually...it's kind of like my last dream. It's parched. My tour guide says there hasn't been rain for weeks. They're going through a drought. We start to pull through. I see them at first, walking across the road. There's a daughter and mother and...grandmother? I can instantly tell her apart. She has lots of wrinkles around her eyes, shooting out in constellations, and you watches me with some kind of steady gaze that kind of unnerves me and shows me her passion and also her compassion, because she shoos her baby along, she's trying to protect him he under or right beside her leg sidling up right next to her, peeking around, not quite sure what to make of me, or anyone else, he's still figuring out the world, I guess kind of like I am, and my tour guide (who's actually Ashoka's brother!) takes me through the park, down into the jungle, to the river. 

He points out a crested sea eagle. It's perched on a rock. When we get close it flies off. The stream is rollicking through rocks and banyans and kong trees and teak and I strip down to my running shorts and slide into the river, and let it throttle me, push against me, it's so relaxing. I pick up a rock from the bottom of the pool. It's green. It's streaked with gold. I look at it closely and there's little sea creature and barnacles and sea worms, all smiling at me, and I lay back and relax and suddenly it comes to me:

maybe this is my journal. Maybe this is my book. I didn't know how I was going to write my story but if I can keep a log about the elephants, if I can keep a journal, then maybe people can see that it really IS possible, you can do it, you can do anything and when I get back home I tell Ashoka and Sameera and Darmasiri about how wonderful everything was. I'm planning on going back in a few days. The BBC is coming. It's super cool. They're actually going to be filming a documentary about the elephants and monkeys up in Dambula and Sigiriya, we're going to have a massive party to welcome them and I'm standing out in the rain right now, Nisha said she thought it was going to start raining and I said I don't care, I walked out into the sugarcane fields and got caught in a downpour I stripped my shirt off and yelled Thank God to the heavens because I don't know if I'd actually thanked them before

This girl saw me standing out there. She invited me into her shelter. She was with her family: her Mom, her Dad, two brothers. With the rain pounding on the tin roof, it felt super homey. They gave me a seat. They asked me my story. I asked them to tell their story.

I don't know if these notes will mean anything. When I look at what I've written so far it makes me feel kind of embarrassed because to be honest I know it's not very good and if I do what I hope to accomplish I know I'm going to have to make them "More good," but I don't know how. I returned home and Shermin was angry that I'd stayed out in the rain. She said "you might get sick. We trusted you." I said I was just having fun. "What if you hadn't come back. What would we tell your parents. What would we tell your Dad and Mom." 

And it hit me. I had been so foolish. Here I was supposed to be saving the elephants, and here I was just "having fun." I knew I would have to redouble my efforts if I wanted to stay in this Paradise. Dame Nisha Suhood said she climbed Adam's Peak when she was younger. She said it was definitely mysterious. She saw ghosts up there, people she had met before. Nisha's on my side. Dharmasiri is leaving tonight. Nisha's cooking dinner. We lost power. We're eating dinner by candlelight. I've always wanted to "lucubrate," well here it is. There's bugs everywhere. I'm feeling kind of, I don't know, lost, useless...I wish someone would turn the light on. 

Suddenly the lights go back on. Dharmasiri comes in.

I can't explain it. Why does he make me so happy? I feel like he's been gone for weeks. The BBC is coming over today. We're going to have a massive party. Tharanga and Sameera and Dharmasiri and Kumara and Ashoka say they're going to take me out to a lake where we'll go swimming. I'm kind of nervous. I hope they don't want me to strip. I'm not sure if everyone is going to get naked. I'm not sure if I should care. I'm not sure if there'll be...girls there. I've been reading about the "song lines." The ancient Australians used to think that we were all connected, and kind of like reincarnation, we could go back to the very beginning of time and we just shape-shifted from primordial slime to whales to kangaroos to bunny rabbits and maybe in this song line I can become God, or maybe I'll always be an ordinary person, maybe oh maybe I'm riding along in a Jeep under the northern lights just like the Eskimaux and I'm seeing all these people. People who I've never seen before and maybe will never know but I feel like they know me, and I want to get to know them, we're bumping along out of time and up in front of us is a deep mirrored pool with starry lights. We get to the side of the Jeep and strip. I jump in. I paddle along on my backside and look up at the mirrored sky and the starry sea below me and we all get around in a circle. Tharanga and me race. "Wow! You're a pretty good swimmer!" he says. I dunk my head into the water while we're in a circle. I come up and everybody's laughing.

"What are you laughing at?" I say.

"Dharmasiri says that you've just been swallowing a thousand souls." He pauses and smiles. "You're officially a Sri Lankan."

The BBC finally came today. I told them my story. Martin thought it was really cool. He's actually really famous. He was one of the lead cinematographers on Planet Earth. He actually some shots of the snow leopard. I'm going to see the elephants again tomorrow.

The park is so green. It's really been good for the park and the elephants. I was just starting to drive in and I saw this cute little boy, maybe the one who I saw a few weeks ago, rubbing his head against a tree. His eyes were closed in little hills like this ^_^ (except more rounded like u's) he looked just so happy.

I think I am going to call him Baby Bo. He's getting ready to get married. The elephants here have a funny habit of picking little pink and white flowers and picking them up with their trunk and patting them down on their head and with the crown tuskers now marching off for a fresh new season, thee season of spring, I think it's getting time for me to leave. It's going to be really hard to say goodbye. Dharmasiri says he wants to take me out one more time. We're going to visit his family, the Sankapala palace where we're ringing the bell. We push stones. There's a little girl sitting on the edge of the stairs, with the monkeys, holding a lotus. Riding on the back of his scooter, I check out all the homes. We get a mango and a coconut and a fruit stand. We arrive at his home

and he has his own bean fields. The grandmother smiles me in. Dharma shows me his little kids. I can't help thinking that maybe that could be me, and I start to feel jealous. 

Sameera takes me on a big adventure. We're going to meet the villagers. Sameera's "Save the Gharial" shirt sticks out at me and he talks fiercely, assuredly, more concentratedly than I've ever seen, Sameera has always been a jokester before when he talks about the elephants you can see the passion come through his face and he points at the bananas and he points at the tree house and I can't believe it, sometimes it's true the villagers actually have to run and climb up the ladder because the elephants can be so angry, and I have to think what a terrible mess it is if we can't all just be happy, the elephants have a right, the people have a right, we all have a right every rock and tree and animal on this earth and place in the wide wide universe

and I have to think tomorrow was amazing. Today we splashed in a lake and today we splashed into the river and I raised my arms underneath the towering, towering, light-splashed brilliant green trees and we took photo in front of the waterfall, Kumara, Sameera and me, and today Kumara is going to take me to meet his family and we're going to leave sometime in the morning.

We pile into a wagon. There are TONS of people. It must be his whole extended family. There are kids, and parents, and grandparents, and since it's a special day, poya day, we drive over the hill and it's been a long time with me peeping outside wondering where we're going and we pop out at the BEACH of all places, it's so beautiful. The sand is shiny white. The water is beautiful. I'm just so happy that we can all be one happy family. Later in the day we head back into the rainforest and it's been raining for awhile now, we're pretty wet, I'm cold, we go into a house. One of Kumara's brothers disappears behind a curtain with his baby and wife. I'm in the center room with everyone else. The kids. They really seem to like me. They get out a family album and show me the pictures. "Raja para," I say. "Red," they say. "Kola para," I say. "Green," they say. "High five!" I say. =)

"Hi! I'm Diwani! I'm very pleased to meet you!" One little boy says. "What is your country?" Diwani is absolutely adorable. I give him a high five. We're best pals all through the night and we gather outside with the older dudes and conspire. It feels like we're at a campfire. We're about to pull off some great escapade, some great ruse, and I'ms orry to say the night does have to end someday.

Riding back in the covered wagon we sing songs. I don't know what they mean, but they make my heart beat so strongly, and now that I'm in bed, I can still hear them listening. It was such a special memory, I almost didn't write today. 

Today we're having a party for me. It's my last day here. I've been pulling out the map and trying to figure out my next place. There's Sinharaja, the Coast, Kandy, maybe even...Somawathiya. They want me to stay. But I know there's a better place. 

Somehow, something is calling for me out there. We have our party. It is so freaking awesome. We're going crazy. I'm going to miss these guys. Tharanga starts drumming and Dharmasiri closes his eyes and starts swaying. The arrack starts flowing. I don't know but somehow music starts playing. I go out onto the dance floor and start dancing.

Sameera joins me. We groove. We disco. We throw our inhibitions aside. 

And then, suddenly, Ashoka rises from his seat. He's always been kind of shy, like me. He starts dancing, some mysterious dance, and the smoke rises. It starts to rain. Me and Sameera rush outside. We get soaking wet and dance in the rain and muddy. I come back inside and I"m trying to figure out where to go for my next place.

It has to be something special. Something spiritual. The next morning my bags are packed. I have a bus to catch. Ashoka catches me. Then Dharmasiri. "Goodbye, my friend," Ashoka says. Dharmasiri puts his head on my shoulder and weeps, "How to do, how to do."

And so I set out on my journey. I went to Sinharaja first, where I saw all sorts of crazy rainforest animals, the blue magpie, which was so cool because a group of birders came especially just to see it and we looked at it together in the morning. I befriended this couple, one of whom had walked across the entire island on a migration to bring attention to the plight of the elephants, and I guess this is my attempt at doing my own small part. I was trying to save my money so I wasn't going to order any food but Martin, the owner of the Blue Magpie, brought me lunch anyway. I reminded him I didn't pay for it.  But he still did it.

Anyway—long story short, I went on all sorts of more adventures. I bussed down to the South Coast where I had my first encounter with monks, and met sea fishermen, one of whom was named "Teddy," or at least I called him that. =P He was so big and cuddly. He reminded me of all the best things of South Coast culture, you know, beach in' it. I made friends with the fishermen. One of them, who was squint-eyed like a pirate, asked where I came from. I said the United States and he said. "Ooo...America!" It still had that  mystique. I also helped them pull the big fish in, all twenty of us working side by side, the whole village, what seemed like the whole city, the whole island, and you know what, working together, we finally did it! =) There were scads and scads of silver fish skippering. Well, I wanted to check out the lighthouse at Dondra Head so I started heading there, but got side-tracked at Matara to try and use an Internet cafe to talk to my parents, and I did, and then on the bus ride back I saw this guy, actually I just met him because he just sat down next to me. He's looking over at me and I'm getting kind of nervous, is he going to try to pull something? Does he want me wallet? Does he want my passport? Does he want my Identity? "Yo...relax man," he smiles.

"You ever had mussels before?

"Umm...I think so."

"You've never had 'em like this." 

The next morning I went where he'd told me to. He lived up on this high little hill in this little village and I met him there, he took me down through the village and said I could stay with him if I wanted, but I knew I still had a big adventure to go to. Anyway, he said, let me take you down to our private beach.

"Our?" I asked.

"Suresh!" he called. A boy came out from one of the houses. He walked with us, and kept his head down, he was pretty quiet. We got down to the beach and this guy, "Numal," said, "Suresh! Get us a canoe!" And he left. I thought must have to go very far but then suddenly, in the blink of an eye, he had a kayak waiting for us. How the heck did he get here so fast?? He was bobbing just off the coast and we had to swim forward and grab the edge of the canoe and climb on-board, it was green and yellow with blue triangles painted on the sides and we started moving, plying, paddling, curving around the island, well, he was paddling, he wouldn't let me or Numal paddle, it was like he wanted to do it all alone, he kept looking out to Paradise, he talked about taking the Korean exams (I didn't know what those were) he said he hoped to someday make $3 an hour and the island kept getting farther and farther away and I asked him "what are your hopes someday?" and he said to get to Australia. I wondered if he knew how far it was away.

The island came back into view. It would be a tough landing. There were lots of crashing waves. Suddenly I heard a "Yo!"

"Yo" faintly echoed in the distance.

I saw some kids running up along the side of the island, little colorful specks of bodies, and Suresh started paddling us into shore but before we could get there, we hooked up on some crashing rocks close to shore and Numal got a white sack bag out of the bottom of the canoe, no, the people on the shore threw it to him, and Suresh got out his scythe, and it was absolutely hilarious! Suresh cut the mussels off and threw them in the bag, one by one, but Suresh was so good at it, being a fisher boy and all, Numal had to absolutely sprint back and forth to make sure none of them fell!

The other guys helped out. When we got to the shore we went into this little coconut grove and a new one who hadn't been there before came and actually climbed up a tree. He was the "Coconut Tree Climber." He cut down some coconuts and one of them had brought a pot and we actually lit a fire, right there, in the daytime, and cooked a steaming boiling pot of mussels over it. It was so good. We dipped our hands in and they came right out, like a pot of gold, and I could've sworn right there, drinking coconut milk with a club in my hand, there was a rainbow. :)

It was time to leave. We said our goodbyes. I was pretty sure I would see them again. I went to Dondra Lighthouse, where I could see all the way to Antarctica (theoretically) and Teddy surprised me when he picked me up in the tuk-tuk!

He couldn't wait to see me go. He couldn't wait to see where I'd go. I was off to Galle next, where I made some friends in a jeweler's shop. We took a real macho pose (just like the KLD, I remember now :)) and joked that that was going to be our photo when we cured cancer. Me and Ashmeed went up to the temple and watched the red red sun which didn't even seem real, I thought it was some sort of trick, but it really wasn't. 

They have a mosque in this town. It wakes me up at early hours in the morning. I went into the mosque and studied with the students, I even learned how to write my name in Arabic. I learned to pray and how it was true that we are all really like, even on any given Sunday. 

They believe that we all came from the grass. I mean we sprouted like ants, and there's black ones and white ones, and red ones and green ones, and even purple and pink ones too (OK, maybe that's my imagination), and blue ones and yellow ones, and I got a gift of a perfume bottle of attar, which will be a nice add to my collection

It's time to leave again. But not quite. Late one night I went to an Indian restaurant that overlooked the ocean and the waiter had really, really, REALLY good ice cream. But that's not the crux of my story. The crux of it is is as I was sitting there, I heard some people talking. I looked over. They were an Indian couple, and it was kind of exciting to me to see someone so different, the woman had a big red dot on her forehead, kind of like Joyce

Neil.

What on earth made me just remember that?

I asked if they knew about Diwali. It's something I had been hearing about and always wnate to see, I think it's the Hindu version of Christmas the Festival of Lights and for Jews it's called Hanukkah, I don't know about Buddhists or Muslims or Rastafarians or anyone else, but basically, they said they were going to have a big celebration. So one night before I leave in the rain I'm going to go down and see what it's all about. I walk in and step in a huge puddle. I get absolutely soaked. It's dark and there's tons of people. They all have baskets of fruits and they've brought candles and the head honcho guy, I swear this guy who looks like he's from Indiana Jones :)! brings the food to the people the bananas the flowers the grapefruit the mango fruit the pineapples it's a whole big smorgasbord and he reads the people's names, their blessings, he reads their horoscopes and we all settle down together and there' smothers and fathers and they're blessing their children rubbing their parents' bellies and I'ms tanking there, and all of a sudden, I think. What is this. How could I be so possibly lucky.  It's time to leave and in the morning I head to the train station. 

It's time to go to Batticaloa. This will be my first real test. I've never taken a train all by myself especially not across a whole entire country and I'm kind of nervous that I'll forget something or missing something in this train it's kind of like a rickety ol' clown car, bouncing everywhere and jostling me, and I think I'm going to fall asleep, I can't remember the last time I've talked to my parents, I have a dream that they're talking to me

"It's time to get off the train."

I just realized I didn't make any hotel reservations. And it's 3 at night! "You can come with us." What are their names? Enosh. And his Dad. They're so nice. I think they can tell I'm lonely. They drive me in  the dark city until I find a place to stay, and I want to thank them somehow, and Enosh says, "I'm sure we'll meet again someday!" :) I get his phone number. It's getting really fun to collect them. In the morning I go and walk up and down the street. I find an Indian temple. It's a kovil I think. It's made of sands and colors, like a sand art kaleidoscope. I sit and we pray. We meet Ganesh. I take a stroll around town. I meet some jellyfish. Batticaloa, if you didn't know, is named after the "Batti" fish. It's a singing fish and i wasn't sure if locals actually believe it, but I asked a couple of them and they said they definitely did, they've heard them themselves. I was walking and now it's time to go to my next village. The Golden Triangle. I know, it just sounds so...important. So perfect. The first place I'm going to stay is Polannaruwa. It's a short bike ride past rice fields into the town and the ancient ruins. The great grand stupas are made of bricks. They're coated with moss. The temple is solemn. I still have these thoughts sometimes, like maybe I'm not doing this right, like this will all be worthless, and I stare into the lake and contemplate my fate and sometimes I forget it's a bright sunny day, or that it sometimes it rains, and that sometimes it snows, and the world is so very perfect. I want none of this. I am none of this. I see rainbows, and I wonder where they go. I wonder if they can take me some other place, where I will be perfect. And happy forever. Certainly someplace that doesn't have so many mosquitoes! =P

I swear. I feel like I'm Jesus walking through the wilderness. Or really walking through the jungle. A boy saw me walking and I was kind of apprehensive and I was too, I thought he might be thinking that I'm up to no good, but that's not true (I hope you know) I really just wanted to stay up late to see all the temple. I don't have that many days. 40? I'm walking on a yellow brick road (well, pink—you'll see the pictures :)) and it's time to go home but before I do that, let me sit down and write in my diary with my back to the temple and talk about how I went to Dambulla, the Golden Temple high up in the rocks and how I befriended a monk, who was actually on his CELL PHONE!! I couldn't believe it, but he said cell phones are allowed, and how I went to Mihintale, the real Monk Citadel. I wanted to see what it was like to be a monk. They gave me a key. I didn't think I would use it, but they actually asked me if I wanted to stay one night. I was like, uh, YES. So that was the night I stayed with the monks. When I went to bed at night I heard chanting. In the morning it was misty. I saw an elephant perched on a rock (it was only a figurine), and explored all around, and saw some pretty cool things, a monkey that was shrouded in the fog and I thought was a human being at first, and some people standing at the top, and I could look down and see all the forests and the lakes and the cities, and maybe even hang glide, if someone let me— =P—if I wasn't too scaredy—and I came back down and went to "Sigiri" which is the Lion Fortress a huge, gigantic rock popping up in the middle of the Habarana jungle just in the middle of nowhere, where a crazy king built his own little Paradise and made it his last refuge before King Dutugemunu rightfully wrested the crown from the tyrant! kind of like King Lear and the ancient language of Sinhala is so freakin' amazing, it looks like Disney, kind of like my Dad's writing.

I talked to my Mom and Dad today. I told them I was thinking of going to Jaffna and Somawathiya, and they said, "What the heck are you thinking? Honey, please don't go there."

But I have to. I need to capture all their stories for my book. But first I'm going to Anuradhapura, to see what this Grand City is all about. I hear they have great whtie stupas there that are as great as the Great Pyramids. It's true. I just got here and they're blowing me away. They're grandiose. They're awesome. They're awful. They're HUGE.

I really am going to Jaffna. If I don't make it back alive you can have my chicken soup =P At least you can have my headlamp. Actually give it Darmasiri. He always really liked it. =P

The road gets dirty. Now there's just a series of outposts. We pull into "Vavuniya" where I'm pulled out of the bus and have to show them my passport, and they eye me over. They let me back in. This guy right behind me strokes my hair. It's really freaky, lol. We drive by what must be SOMAWATHIYA

and there's women, carrying pots of water on their heads. They're leading children alongside a river. This must be the MAHAWELI. I wish I could go, but I haven't been able to get permission, now how am I going to write about elephants? The National Park's destruction. Jaffna should have more of it. I don't know if it's still filled with terrorists. I'm expecting the worst from all these Tamils, hoping for the best, just like everybody else, I'm being shown into this little concrete house

I go out late at night. I don't know what to expect. Everyone is darker. I don't know anyone or even how to say a thing. I see lights up ahead. There's apparently a parade and I stand beside some photojournalists. A really cute girl asks me if I want to come in and she can show me where everybody is eating she leads me to this room upstairs with fresh bread and fruit and down below I join them monks and imams and missionaries everyone sitting together the parade is starting, there's flame-twirlers and spinning lights and colorful dancers dressed like birds of paradise, and leading it all is a real TUSKER, a huge animatronic elephant. We laugh. Next stop is Mannar, or I should say Talaimannar, the closest point to India, where Adam's Bridge once connected it and is now a series of tiny islets, there used to be a ferry running but they stopped it because of the war, there used to be a bridge but it's broken into pieces, there was a train running before and I still have faith that if we can stop this global warming, I don't mean just global warming I mean all of this, we can make everything just like it was before,

when there were birds everywhere,. And they soared sky-high, just like in our imaginations. Every place, every day was Paradise. It still is. The world is waiting for us. We just have to bring it into our world. 

Well. I'm getting to the last days of my trip. I always wanted to climb Adam's Peak, and now I'm returning to the elephant research station, back where I started, to get my things, and climb over the mountain.  Ashoka's here. I can't believe he actually came back, just to see me off!

"You have all your things?"

"Suitcase. Binder. Notebook. Check."

"All thousand of your lives?"

"I hope you brought ample mosquito repellent." :)

Here I am in Ratnapura. They're going to give me a 4 AM wake up call. Here it is. The morning of! :) I am actually SO excited. I got my tuk-tuk and we're driving up up and up past sleeping villages, to another sleeping village. It looks like an old shinto village from an anime. All the houses/shacks/homes look abandoned. A monk offers to tie me on a string. I say I'll wait. I start climbing with my backpack on my back, my hand on my other bag, 

climbing, climbing, climbing up so many steps. A mysterious white dog appears ahead of me. He gets just enough ahead of me, so I can follow him, but won't let me lose him. Now he finally disappears. Is rand too long in one place and I get leeches!Q

Now, which one is it? 

There's so many mountains. So many fog-shrouded distant peaks. On this beautiful blue day, everything is green. But then I turn a corner and I see it—it has to be it. It's the same peak that I saw in the photos, so long ago, so perfectly round and green. It hits me that it's like a child's drawing. I keep walking up thousands and thousands of more stairs (6000 so far, 6 miles to be exact =P) and keep climbing and come around a corner and finally see a little white shack at the top, a little white house, and I get to the very end 

and keep climbing, twirling up, the final push with the world dropping away from me, everything is windy, and I get to the top and it's empty.

And then I see him. 

The monk.

He's different.

He's not all-seeing and mysterious, he's not wearing a yellow robe, he's just a simple ordinary guy.

A housekeeper.

Like Dharmasiri

My Dad..

I ask if I can see his foot (Buddha's). He takes me to the shrine and the door is closed. I try looking under to peek. All I can see is light.

I ask him if he can open it.

"We only open it during pilgrimage season."

I came all this way to see this Foot, for the perfect end of my book, but I can't see it anyway. I'm a little disappointed, to be honest. But then I realize it was all about the journey—

the journey of a lifetime. 

And so I returned home. My parents were waiting to greet me at the airport. My Dad and Mom were in tears. They gave me a huge and they hugged me and squeezed me and hugged me and hugged me and Dad probably even tickled me. :) We were both so happy that I had come back from such an unbelievable journey.

That year we went to Kentucky. I had such wonderful stories, and everyone wanted to know what I'd seen, had it really been really special? I said it sure was. The elephants were amazing. They- asked, did you get to ride any of them? I said no. How often did you get to see them? I thought about it. Uh, I said, maybe every couple of days? But no, that wasn't true. I'd seen them a ton, well, a fair amount, the first few weeks, but then the rest of the time as I went across the country I'd only seen them sporadically—

It was time to make good on my Kickstarter promise. I started to write a story. In the Shadow of Giants, just like I'd promised to myself, the elephants and the world. I started writing my story 

all about how Dole, the huge banana company, invaded Sri Lanka. No one knew they were coming. They quickly handed the reins to LetsGrow, a local outfit, who quickly vacated the park. They were intimately familiar with the country. It's tea-steped hills, its magnificent rainforests, its green and deep and fertile valley san dfloodplains. They were a little too intimately familiar with Somawathiya National Park.

Around this time I started working at Office Depot. I met Ricardo, who was this big, bald-headed, glasses-wearing lovable guy. He was Latino (which is pretty uncommon for a whole-store manager) and he kinda took me under his wing, if I do say so myself. He helped teach me how to be a better person. Whenever we greeted our guests to the store, we said "How may I help you?" And then helped them find everyday things, things that would make their simple, ordinary lives better, that were wholly necessary. Sometimes they asked for printers. Sometimes they asked for binders. Sometimes I had to climb a ladder, to get all the way to the top, to reach things from the top over-stock shelves, and it kind of felt like al library. I had always been a little afraid of heights. Ricardo and my teammates told me that they would make sure the ladder didn't shake. They held me. My favorite things of course, to watch people buy and help people buy were pens and pencils, and magic markers, and stationery, and paper. Of course I didn't realize it at first but it was all going to inform me. I kept trying to write mys tory but I kept running into a few immutable things—

the elephants. 

I couldn't figure out how to place them in my story. For some reason, it just didn't feel right. Whenever I got to a certain point in mys tory it just ended. It didn't make any sense. If I had gone to save the elephants then what I was struggling with?

At this point I began to realize how I was truly lucky. My parents had welcomed me home with open arms, and were, in fact, SUPER happy to have me, they had, in fact, remodeled my room (no, that was after college) and turned it into a perfect me-guestroom, and they had changed the wallpaper in my bathroom from one that was filled with abstract flowers to one that showed the entire world, the Tower of Pisa, the Tower of London, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Taj Mahal, a Shinto palace, and I knew I wanted to save the world. But I didn't know how. I spent many nights up late reading, Memoirs of a Boy Soldier, Wild, The Dog Stars—and then I came across her. 

Isabelle.

It sends my heart beating to even speak her name. To imagine her. My Mom had told me stories that there was a place out there, that there was a girl out there—

I met her at the piano. I think it was late one night, when I was trying to think of how I could possibly begin, and I was feeling a little helpless, and I suddenly heard a. A. I looked at my father's picture. I looked at my grandparents, and they were all looking at me. 

I was a newborn baby.

I heard someone speaking.

a

little a

 are you going to be a b or a g?

and i heard someone saying i've always wondered about babies. i don't know where they come form! and storks!

And I heard someone saying, "Mommy," and I started to find my words, my voice, and I started writing.

a a

I remembered everything. How my Mom had taken care of me when Iw as little, and was still taking care of me, and how my Dad had wanted me to stay, so strongly, so powerfully, things that I could never have come to se when I was actually growing up, how I always actually wanted my father to be this Great Old Wise Man and I started sketching them in the page, going to the library, and for a moment I even came up with a different cover, and wrote on the page: When I Ruled The World.

It's hard for me to get everything straight.

I had run into Miles Lewis. (Well, come across him on Facebook.) He was running this Valley Art Studio. I asked if he had any ideas for a cover. I had some ideas of my own. I thought about a boy and a boat and a ocean, all alone, and a boy looking at the top of a green mountain with a little white house on top. Roar the lion. Maybe even Raja. A huge wave. This would become my cover for When I Ruled The World, which would be much, much better than In the Shadow of Giants. Clearly what my story needed in order to save the elephants was a junior novelization. I started writing and came across Marshall, and the mailman, and Paradise again, and — no, wait, I hadn't come across Isabelle. I quickly realized this book was useless. I started over again. But the thing that was most useful: "I took a pencil. I took a yellow crayon. It was Dandelion. I took a piece of grass. I think i twas Asparagus." That must have stayed with me. 

And so had Dad's eyes. And Mom's smile. And Mom's eyes. I drew them on the iPad. Up in that room alone, it was like a little shrine, and I felt isolated, and alone. I think I nearly killed myself. I think I was going to kill myself, I think Iw ould have killed myself, if my mom and Dad hadn't been there for me. If they hadn't believed in me every step of the way.

My Dad asked me one day if I would help him restore some of his old reels. It was a beautiful day, probably spring. He had some funny great tunes like "Single Man (I'll be a Single Man, Long as I can Because I'm happy just where I am" and "MY Trip Up to the Moon" do do do do do do do :) which made me really happy and I discovered his whole Disney history and it made me inspired, and he played with me and told me to believe in myself, he would always believe in me, and it must have been right around this time I met Isabelle?

I had been coaching cross-country for my old school. I always liked running. I kept running down the lanes, over the beautiful green grass at Woodley, and at school perhaps I started to see more of myself, my journey through school; how I'd thought, laughably, I was going to die young from cancer because my parents had treated me so blessedly; I saw Isabelle playing among the grass, by herself, with the bees, her beautiful short blonde hair—I saw Kelly—maybe I didn't know it yet—when I went up to the Oregon to follow Mommy after the "Orange Chicken Incident" and "Marshall Effect" and thought about the Virgin Islands and the Marshal islands and the Samoan Islands and everywhere in-between, when I was stuck up in my castle and dreaming of Kelly and dreaming of the universe and everything and trying to think about where or how to start my story I thought of Kelly and I played a note and there she was — Isabelle —

she played the note so gently. 

I looked over my shoulder. She played the note again. She guided my hand, playing the notes in everything I did and do and may very well ever do, and she looked at me in the eye and said -

Hi!

I'm Isabelle!

What'd you like to do? :)

It was a breath of fresh air. We ran up and down the stairs. We rolled around in the grass. We ran around lighting candlesticks!!! We watched the stars. We watched the rainbow. We watched the sun rise up. We went into the library. It was the happiest moment of my life. We played with masks. We talked about going to Paradise. She is the light of my life. We're talking about always being together, and even maybe—just maybe—writing to our favorite author, Peter Heller. 

Dear Peter,

I don't know if you remember me. I'm a huge huge fan of your book, The Whale Warriors blabljaldfjslkjfajk (cross out) Isabelle was my muse. My sacred inspiration. When I was getting too serious, or too soft, she reminds dmd of my goal. She pushed me forward and we were so excited when you responded!

Austin,

Get out there and write your book any way you can. I might blurb it and show it to my agent when I know you've made it the best you can.

Well that time's finally here Peter!! :) We're going on a journey. We're leaving together this Sunday. I've just gotta call Mom and Dad. We're packing our bags. "Dad?" "She's not here." "Mom?"

"Mom? Where'd you go?"

 I go to look for her. I can't find her. I find her by the lighthouse. She says do you think I look beautiful? She jumps off.

And I go too.

I wake up in this new, strange place, where the light is all suffused with red and I'm laying on this sandy beach and I come up to a fishing village, there is this fisherman, or I should say fisher boy, who asks, "How Much Farther is it to Paradise?" I say "You don't have to go." He says "I have to." He teaches me about Faith. I know I'll get there someday. I head into the jungle and meet the crown prince, ASHOKA. He lets me ride on his elephant. We get to a little camp village before we make our way tot he city, which is cloaked in ruins, and I'm surprised to hear him say "I need to go see him," he says it so reverentially, how can it be so? Isn't he the king?

After a many-days' journey we pull into a little village. There are some people walking to and fro, with flowers in their hands, pots in their heads, not many. (lol) To and fro. We enter through a magnificent citadel, a marble palace, the gardens. Then we enter through a portal into a red red desert. Into a new world. I see someone sitting alone. It's Ishmael.

He looks into the fire. On the other side is a mysterious face. He talks about how he lost them. His Mom and Dad. Nothing makes sense any more. He recites his story. "I picked a crayon. A red one. A yellow one." I picked a flower. but I can't find her. "

He looks through the fire. The voice says, "Do you mean Isabelle?"

"Wait," I say. "She's actually here?"

"Why don't you go run and find her, I saw her just over there."

"Ishmael!" "Isabelle!"

We are so happy to see each other. We start to create. We make this world our own. I've seen Frozen. I love Elsa's ability to create a refuge, and I realize this only after we've created our own, what I created was wholly unique, it is a perfect Paradise, where everything we've made, everything we've ever dreamt of, becomes real. It is the Land of Impossibilities. It is the Song of Possibilities. Just like I'd always wanted, everything is possible. When I gave my speech at Campbell Hall, before leaving for Sri Lanka, this is what I dreamed of. It's what every kid, everyone dreams of. 

The music starts to play.

"Wait a second, Isabelle. Someday is today."

We create a new world. We move our brushes. We create an elephant, running to catch its tail. We submerge ourselves in a magnolia flower. I go to Santa Monica, and realize it was all about eating that ice cream sandwich. 

I talk to Jayathi. I show her part of my story. We get married. We have - sex! SEX! We have kids. We show them the way, through Paradise. There will always be dark and always be light. And you will always, always, ALWAYS be loved. W'ere in the hall of mirrors, we were born in the kaleidoscope just like Rabbi Moscowtivz said, abstracted in a rainbow, and the mist comes to us, and we walk with the elephants, and you were born, yes, YOU Were Born, just like in the commercial tha I love so much, and Cricket Wireless, and the heavens told the Earth, and the Earth it told the sea, and the sea it told the birds and the birds it then told me, if heaven is on earth, then can't you see, we're made of all the things of heaven and you were meant to be.

Sometimes walking through Gelson's I would think to myself, why can't It ell my story. It should be so easy. I know what happened. I wanted to save the world, I went to Paradise. but somehow I can't tell it. As I saw little girls bursting with joy inside, talking about Frozen, I thought I have a story, why can't I tell it, and it made me feel very sad. It made me want to die. There is nothing worse than holding your story inside, I wished I could just "Let It Go." I started working for my Dad. I worked in the office with Katie, and she was just so bright and bubbly. We both loved singing. We sang along to songs from Disney movies, "I Won't Say I'm In Love," "Part of Your World," and many more, I felt such strong feelings I'd never felt before to be in the sam eroom with a real person, and actually sing along with them, and love me for who I am, and I started writing

what I would call, was my first real attempt at a story. I promised myself I would just "let it out." I was sick and tired of writing and not going anywhere so I just started writing, and I discovered more of myself than I ever thought possible. I never knew some things about myself, like I might be gay, or I might be bisexual, or I might be everything, and I think that is possible, it's not like we should restrict ourselves if we truly believe that anything is possible, and I can save the world, and I think I might be autistic. After all, my name is Austin. I would like to go help Autistic children, help them find their story. So I started looking. I looked at places I could move and write. I found a place called Story City.

And sometime, Isabelle died.

She had asked me to tell her story. She had said, "Ishmael, honey, we can't live forever in Paradise. At some point we have to return to the real world." And I said, "Whyc an't the real world be Paradise." And she winked at me and smiled, and said, "You're right."

So I returned home. I got to the top of Adam's Peak, and finally rang the bell, because I finally believed in myself. 

Now, something had awakened in me. I had come to realize that Dharmasiri was awfully similar to my Dad, or maybe Ashoka, and I asked them, are you my Dad? And they both shook their heads and laughed. "Don't be silly."

There's only one of each person. There's only one you. Some of us may be alike, in fact all of us alike, more than you've probably ever realized. Now it's probably time for you to start to write

and that was my epiphany. 

That felt like a good ending.

I could finally write 

THE END

and move onto the ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS (or) the CREDITS of my story

as the credits began to roll, as you began to flip the page, I began to thank everyone and everything that had ever done something for me, which was everyone and everything, everything I had ever known and had given me life the trees, the rocks, the water and the streams, the birds, the bees, the cities the citadels, the rainforests, the jungles, the tundras, the taigas, the boreal forests, the lagoons, the coral reefs, the rainbows, all and every one of the amazing things, my mom and Dad and Rick and Perry and Susan and Steve and Big Jason and Little Jason and Diane and Alan and Gayle and Danielle and Sameera and Tharanga and Kumara and Ashoak and Dharmaasiri and the birds and God oh god if gods you are what am I doing. I finally remembered something. I finally remembered the thing I had kept tucked in my memory, a single yellow flower, a weed, living on a beautiful hillside, all by itself, before I had finally left on that journey—

The Fault In Our Stars

I had always wanted to be a famous author, like John Green, but I didn't know how to end my story. I came to the cliff, and said,

me.

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